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Legal in 20 States!

20 governors and state legislatures have given Volunteer Cannon Clubs and their members (RAM) the exclusive, legal right to own and use cannons in support of “law and order” within their states.

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         Hackmeir (Hack) Thortonwittle-White Jr., Supreme National Leader of the Volunteer Cannon Clubs, stated to a gathering of 500 disgruntled, armed cowboys, “The Second Amendment is the backbone of the American Way. (Cheers) We, without question, support the right for every American to own guns and to carry concealed weapons anyplace, anywhere, anytime! (Louder cheers)  Unfortunately there are abusers of that right such as crooks and illegal immigrants. We in the VCC are going to do something about that!” He was interrupted numerous times by loud cheering especially when he mentioned doing something about illegal immigrants. “We are going to use an iron fist--cannons!” His shouted words were drowned out by loud cheers and whistles as well as guns fired into the air by his cowboy audience.

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         “Rural law enforcement officers, in particular, are not equipped to deal with heavily- armed crooks, particularly certain ethnic-type drug users and dealers who out-gun the police.” Thortonwittle-White Jr. continued. “That’s where Volunteer Cannon Clubs come into play. Our members (RAM), all cannon-trained volunteers, are ready at any hour of the day, any day of the week to have a cannon or two in place, ready to blast the bad-guys to smithereens within minutes of a call for help from the police or our threatened, church-going, American citizens” (Cheers and guns fired in the air)

         “How do Volunteer Cannon Clubs’ function in large towns and cities?” a reporter asked.


         “We are in a position to save police officers’ lives,” replied the Supreme National Leader.  “For example: When the bad guys hole up in a large building with their automatic weapons, the cops have to go in after them, endangering their lives. With cannons we can take out the building with the bad guys inside, saving police lives.”


         “What about innocent civilians inside the building? What happens to them?”


         “You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs,”replied the Supreme National Leader. “What’s a few civilian lives compared to the good we do for law an order?" (Loud yeahs)


         “You have to be kidding!” shouted a reporter.


         “Sacrificing for the greater good—and the greater good is America—is what our constitution is all about,” replied the National Leader. (Cheers)


         “I’ve seen some your clubs’ cannons. They don’t seem to be big enough to take out—say a brick building,” shouted out a slightly drunk cowboy.


         “If we put enough shells into most buildings we can do the job. But—you’re right. Off the record, our cannons are too small. Unfortunately, we are limited by law to the size and type of cannons we can use. You can blame those bleeding heart, liberal, anti-gun types for that.” (Boos) Thortonwittle-White Jr. answered. “ The good news is that the legislatures in two states are about to pass laws for Volunteer Cannon Clubs to own and use the M107 175mm self-propelled howitzers from “army surplus”. (Cheers) Those babies will take down any building around and the bad guys go down with it! And—I might add, we expect other states to follow.” (Wild cheering and guns fired in the air.)

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         “How can the Volunteer Cannon Clubs afford such expensive artillery?” A reporter shouted out.


         “You’d be surprised at how many very rich, patriotic, Americans in this country are willing to donate the necessary funds to help exterminate America’s internal enemies. And we all know who they are.” (The audience rumbled knowingly.)


         “What about those rumors that two of your Volunteer Cannon Clubs are about to acquire M1A2 Abrams Main Battle Tanks?”


         “Just rumors. But—I won’t say that they couldn’t be true.” The National Leader replied with a smirk. “We got five U.S senators and two dozen congressmen and women work’n on it now. What better way for loyal American citizens to stand their ground when they feel threatened by those people—and you all know who we are talking about (Yeah)—knowing that they’ve got the Volunteer Cannon Clubs backing them up with ‘used, army surplus’ Abrams Main Battle Tanks.” (Cheers)

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         “And now, lower your guns and please stand for the singing of God Bless America. For those of you who don’t know the words, they are tattooed on Buster Blisterwood’s chest. Take off your shirt, Buster.”

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 © robert 2014