Little D’Piddle

And His



         The sign over Little D’Piddle’s store read: 


Each letter blinked on and off in different colors, inviting customers to enter. There they would be greeted by Little D’Piddle himself, smiling and welcoming each and every customer with their word and story problems.

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         His was no ordinary store, just as his customers were not ordinary customers. I will explain in just a moment. First, I would like to tell you a little about Little D’Piddle. He was a D’Warf of the first order. That meant two things: First, he was exactly one foot tall, not one inch taller or shorter, the exact height for a D’Warf. Second, being of the first order meant that he had a story-telling license proving he had very special story telling talents.

         I was about to describe his most unusual store to you. The shelves were filled with letters of the alphabet. They were so filled with letters of every size and shape that they spilled on to the crystal floor that was kept as clean as a dinner plate. Now, as for Little D’Piddle’s customers, I must admit that they were most unusual. They were unwords of every description who wanted to become words so that they could be in stories of their very own, told by Little D’Piddle.

         Did I hear someone ask, “What’s an unword?” Unwords are two or more letters that are joined together without making a real word, according to Little D’Piddle. Here are a few examples that will give you an idea of unwords:  and so forth and so on. Unlike the world we live in, unwords and words in Little D’Piddle’s alphabet world had a very special life of their own.

         Words love to be in stories. Unwords, because they are not words cannot be in stories, particularly Little D’Piddle’s stories. So, unwords come to Little D’Piddle’s store to buy alphabet letters that will make them into  words. Once they are a word Little D’Piddle creates a story for them. To illustrate, let us begin with the first unword in our examples which is BD:

         Little D’Piddle was standing at the top of a very tall ladder, straightening up the letters in the bins at the very upper-most of his alphabet shelves when BD entered the store announced by a little mechanical figure blowing a brass trumpet.

         “I will be right with you.” Little D’Piddle called down from the top of the rather shaky ladder.

         “What can I do for you?” Little D’Piddle asked, knowing full well why BD was in his WORD and STORY STORE.

         “Well...” hesitated BD. “I would like to purchase a letter so that I could become a word and then—”

         “And then?” asked Little D’Piddle, smiling knowingly.

         “Once I’m a word I would like to have you create a story for me”  answered BD.

         “I do believe I have a very good selection of letters that you can choose from that will turn you into a word. Once that is done, I can create a very special story just for you.”

         “I can’t wait.” replied BD excitedly.

         Little D’Piddle measured BD so that he would get the right size and shape letters that would fit his customer. He then went to one of his bins and came back with an armful of letters. “Try these on. The dressing rooms are in the rear of the store. You will find a shopping cart to put your selections in.”

         A short while later BD came out of the dressing room with four letters in his shopping cart. “I tried on an A an E an I and a U. They all fit me”

         “Let’s see what words you can be turned into for your story.” said Little D’Piddle cheerfully. “Ah. The A turns you into BAD. The E turns you into BED. The I turns you into BID. And the U turns you into BUD. Which letter do you want to make you into a word for your story?

         I want all of them!” replied BD, excitedly.

         “Four letter words? That will be a much more difficult story to tell and rather expensive.” said Little D’Piddle.

         “I saved up for it. I want all four letters and the words they will make for my story.”

         “Then let us begin. Sit over there in the Story Listening Chair and I will tell you your very own story with your words: BAD, BED, BID and BUD.



As told by Little D’Piddle

The D’Warf


         There once lived in the land of the Twelops a family of twelve Twilligers. Twilligers, in case you never heard of them, were the worse kind of slobs. They messed up everything they touched. The leader of the Twilligers was a handsome young slob by the name of Twill-swinger who was the worse slob of them all. He was very bad (that is if you call being a slob bad).   

         “Bad! That’s my first word!” exclaimed BD.

         The king of the Twelops gave orders that unless the Twilligers changed their ways and stopped messing up the kingdom they would be thrown into the castle’s dungeon. The message from the king was delivered to Twill-swinger by the captain of the king’s guard, Eyem Very-Goode the fifteenth who was in love with king’s beautiful daughter, Princess Lovely Leena, who spent her waking hours looking at herself in her mirror.       

         Unfortunately for Captain EyemVery-Goode the fifteenth, Princess Lovely Leena was not in love with him. She was in love with (beside herself) the leader of the Twilligers, the messy but handsome Twill-swinger whom she called Twilly.

         She would rise from her bed


         Bed! That’s my second word!” exclaimed BD.


         She would rise from her bed in the middle of the night and meet, secretly with her lover, Twilly (That’s Twill-swinger, the leader of the Twilligers.) in the Kingdom’s town garbage dump where they were safe from prying eyes (and noses).


         Little did they know that the two lovers were seen by the local pickle-picker while picking moldy pickles in the town garbage dump. He reported his discovery to the King who rewarded him by having his head chopped off.


         The King summoned Captain Eyem Very-Goode the fifteenth and bid


         “Bid! That’s my third word!” exclaimed BD.


         The King summoned Captain Eyem Very-Goode the fifteenth and bid him to throw all the Twilligers into the castle’s dungeon. The king was very angry with the Twilligers for they had been gardeners in the royal gardens and in their messy slob ways had accidentally killed all of his favorite red roses. As a reward for ridding the kingdom of the Twilliger slobs, the king gave his daughter, the Princess Lovely Leena to the captain to be his wife.


         “What’s Little D’Piddle got left?” TR whispered to SP. The two unwords had come into the WORD and STORY STORE and were listening to Little D’Piddle’s story.

         “BUD.” replied SP. “He will never find a story ending with BUD.”


         Twill-swinger managed to escape from Captain Eyem Very-Goode the fifteenth and his arresting soldiers. He was determined to free his family from the castle dungeon and prevent captain Eyem Very-Goode the fifteenth from marrying Princess Lovely Leena who he loved and wanted to be his wife. That would make him Prince Twill-swinger the Slob, the thought of which was very pleasing.


         Twill-swinger hid among the dead rose bushes in the king’s garden. He knew that the king would never forgive him and his family for killing his favorite flowers, the red roses. He knew the red roses would never grow again all because he and his family were slobs and awful gardeners.


         There! There was the answer! Hidden beneath a dead rose leaf was a live bud. That meant the red rose bush was still alive! It had a single bud


         “Bud! That’s my fourth and last word!” exclaimed BD joyfully.


         It had a single bud, which meant there would be many more roses and the king’s rose garden would grow again (without the Twilligers as gardeners). And so the king was happy and The Princess Lovely Leena was happy for she married her Twilly who became Prince Twill-swinger the Slob (promising to bathe every day) and he was happy and the rest of his family were happy for they were freed from the castle dungeon, promising that they too would bathe every day.


The End.


         “Wait!” BD cried out who was now bad, bed, bid and bud. “What about Captain Eyem Very-Goode the fifteenth? What happened to him after losing Princess Lovely Leena?”


         “Oh,” replied Little D’Piddle. “He got promoted to general and was very happy ever after.”


         Now, this is really—


the end.



         Until next time I remain,


Absurdly Yours

Bob Flicker






















 © robert 2014