THE REPLACEMENT
(A short play)
8/86
Written & Produced by
Bob Flicker
"ROBOT WORKERS" was the
lead story pictured on the cover of TIME Magazine for the week of September 9,
2013. The story talks about robots replacing workers. One of those robots is
listed as a welding robot. Now, almost four years later (2017), the trend is to
use more robots in almost every manufacturing and service industry.
I wrote about welding robots replacing HANK SPUTOWSKI in three different assembly line jobs in my play THE REPLACEMENT, 30 years ago. In real life, there are few surprise endings to the TIME MAGAZINE story; there is one, in my play, THE REPLACEMENT.
Take a look:
(Picture from TIME Magazine, September 9, 2013 edition)
THE REPLACEMENT
Written and produced by Bob Flicker 8/86
Cast
HANK SPUTOWSKI....age 35 CORY SPUTOWSKI.....age 25
MS BLANK.................. mid 40’s
ACT 1
SCENE 1
THE LIVING ROOM OF HANK AND CORY SPUTOWSKI. THE FURNITURE IS WORN AND DRAB. CHILDREN’S TOYS, MAGAZINES, AND ARTICLES OF CLOTHING ARE STREWN ABOUT. THE ROOM IS A STATEMENTOF POVERY AND NEGLECT.
HANK lays sprawled on the sofa. He is unshaven and wears a sweat-stained undershirt that is only partially tucked into dirty, unwashed jeans. He wears no shoes. His socks have large holes through which his toes protrude. Despite the time of day (10:00 a.m.) he is drinking from a quart bottle of beer. HANK is 35 years old and is an unemployed, journeyman welder. He has been out of work for almost two years. After trying, fruitlessly, to find new employment, he has stopped looking.
CORY is HANK’S wife of ten years. She is only 25 years old but looks years older. Four children, endless housework and a nighttime job as a waitress at a diner has worn her out. Her marriage to HANK was forced upon her and a reluctant HANK after he got her pregnant when she was 15 years old.
CORY stands over HANK. She wears a worn housedress and a bandana on her head. A broom is in one hand and a dustpan in the other.
CORY (SCREAMING) Get up you bastard! It’s ten in the morning! Why ain’t you out look’n
for work?
HANK Don’t scream at me Cory! You know damn well why I’m not look’n. There ain’t
noth’n out there for an experienced welder like me. Nobody’s hire’n.
They’re all lay’n off. You know I’ve looked and looked.
CORY You can take some other kinda work.
HANK Like what?
CORY I don’t care what! Anything so long as it can bring in some money. (SHE BURSTS
INTO TEARS) Hank, the bank’s gonna take our house! We ain’t paid the mortgage
for the past five months!
HANK (SITTING UP) What does the bank want with a dump like this? C’mon Cory stop
cry’n. We’ll think of someth’n. (HE RISES TO HIS FEET, REACHING OUT TO
COMFORT CORY. SHE PULLS AWAY AT HIS TOUCH.) We still got your money
com’nin.
CORY (WIPING AWAY THE TEARS WITH HER HAND) Are you kid’n? Wait’n on tables at
the diner ain’t gonna save our house! The salary and tips I get barely put food on
the table. (SHE TURNS TO WALK AWAY AND THEN WHEELS AROUND TO
CONFRONT HANK.) I don't know how much longer I can keep go'n like this!
Take’n care of 4 kids and the house dur'n the day and work'n at night.
Look at me! I'm 25 and look like 45!
HANK (REACHES OUT TO CORY) you don’t look so bad. C’mere.
Gimme a kiss.
CORY (PUSHING HIM AWAY) Keep away from me you—you animal!
HANK Animal!
CORY Yeah! Animal! All you ever think about is grab’n at me and screw'n!
HANK (HIS MALE EGO IS INJURED) You never use’ta complain! Let me tell you someth’n
—I don’t need you to go to bed with me! There are others who can’t wait!
CORY I know about those others! Those ugly, fat whores who hang out at the bar. You
think I don’t know what you do after I go to work?
HANK What do you know? You don’t know noth’n!
CORY (SHE IS FILLED WITH ANGER AND LOATHING.) I know plenty! I know when you’re
supposed to be home watch’n the kids after I go to work, you take off
for Hoolihan’s Bar and—
HANK So what’s wrong if I have a few drinks with the boys? Jimmy’s old enough to baby
sit.
CORY (SCREAMING) Old enough! You never cared about Jimmy! You blame him for you
have’n to marry me!
HANK (WEAKLY) That’s not true Cory.
CORY You knocked me up when I was fifteen Hank! If you hadn’ta married me you woulda
gone to jail!
HANK (PROTESTING WEAKLY) I married ya because I love ya.
COREY Ya loved me? Ha! That’s a hot one! You were 25 and I was a dumb, overdeveloped
teenager with hot pants. You were screw’n a dozen other high school girls. Some
of em younger’n me. I was unlucky enough to get pregnant.
HANK That don’t mean I don’t love ya. I love Jimmy—all our kids.
CORY If ya love Jimmy why do you leave him alone at night?
HANK He’s a big kid, that’s why.
CORY Jimmy is nine years old! What’s he gonna do if the house catches on fire?
HANK The house ain’t gonna catch on fire. Who tole you about me leav’n the house and
go’n to Hoolihan’s?
CORY Never ya mind who told me. I know all about your have’n a few drinks with the
(PAUSES FOR EMPHASIS) boys. Some boys! Shiftless bums more like it! I also
know you been bang’n anyth’n wear’n a skirt or—other wise.
HANK Whada ya mean—or otherwise? Don’t you start gett’n any ideas I’m queer or
someth’n! O.K., I admit there’s been a few times when I crawled into the sack with
some bimbo. What’s the big deal? We ain’t done noth’n for months. A man’s
entitled!
CORY (BITTER) Entitled?
HANK Yeah! Entitled! Look, I’m a healthy 35-year-old man. I got needs!
CORY (RISING ANGER) Needs? You got needs? So do I got needs! And so do our four
kids got needs! D’ya wanna know about our needs? (DOESN’T WAIT FOR A
RESPONSE) We need security! We need to know that our home ain’t gonna be
taken away! We need a little fun in our lives! Hank, we need an awful lot and
we ain’t gett’n noth’n!
HANK (DEFENSIVE) It ain’t my fault I got laid off! Ya act like I didn’t knock myself out
look’n for work. Ya know damn well I did! I trained for years to become an expert
welder. I’m the best Cory! There ain’t nobody better’n me! I figured I was set for life
on the assembly line. (FURY) Three times! Three fuck’n times! I got good jobs and
three fuck’n times I got laid off!
CORY I heard that story a hundred times. I don’t wanna hear it no more! There’s
other work to be found!
HANK What? Like digg’n ditches?
CORY If that’s what it takes to support your family. Yeah! What’s wrong with
digg’n ditches if it keeps a roof over our heads?
HANK I’m a craftsman! A trained welder! Not no godamned ditch digger!
CORY Hank, right now you ain’t noth’n but an outa work slob who’s used up his
unemployment and union benefits! You’re a noth’n! (SCREAMING) Ya hear me? A
noth’n!
HANK (HIS MANHOOD IN SHREDS) I’m still a man Cory and don’t ya forget it! Ask any of
those
bimbos down at Hoolihan’s what kinda
man I am. They’ll tell ya!
CORY What are they gonna
tell me, that ya got a big welding rod! Big
deal! Any gorilla in
the zoo can claim the same thing. Ya wanna prove you’re a man? Get a job! Any
kinda job—includ’n digg’n ditches!
THE DOORBELL RINGS TWICE
HANK Must be the mailman.
CORY Yeah, with more bills we can’t pay!
HANK Ya wanna get the mail?
CORY What for?
HANK GOES FOR THE MAIL AND RETURNS WITH A HALF DOZEN ENVELOPES THAT HE IS FANNING THROUGH.
HANK Bill—bill—bill—hey, what’s this? (HE PULLS OUT AN ENVELOPE FROM THE
MIDDLE OF THE STACK.) Ain’t no return address or name on this here
envelope. (HE HOLDS THE ENVELOPE UP TO THE LIGHT TRYING TO
DETERMINE ITS CONTENTS.) I wonder who it's from?
CORY You can bet it’s somebody we owe money too.
HANK Well, there’s only one way to find out. (HE TEARS THE ENVELOPE OPEN AND
REMOVES A BUSINESS LETTER AND SOME FORMS.) It’s from the
TECHNOLOGY REORIENTATION EMPLOYMENT AGENCY. I’ve been to every
employment agency around. Ain’t never heard of them.
CORY What do they want?
HANK (READING ALOUD) It says here: “Dear Mr. Sputowski ...your name has come
to our attention”—I wonder how they got my name? (CONTINUES READING)
“Our agency is searching for highly skilled craftsmen in the following trades:”
(HANK MUMBLES AS HIS FINGER TRACKS DOWN A LONG LIST UNTIL HE
COMES TO WELDERS. HE SHOUTS OUT.) Welders! They’re look’n for highly
skilled welders! (HE READS ON EXCITEDLY, MUMBLING TO HIMSELF.)
They say if an applicant qualifies they will place him immediately! D’ya hear
that, Cory! If I don’t qualify nobody can! I’m gonna call now and make an
appointment!
ACT 2
SCENE 1
WE ARE IN THE OFFICE OF THE TECHNOLOGY REORIENTATION EMPLOYMENT AGENCY. AT CENTER STAGE IS A DESK WITH A TELEPHONE. SEATED BEHIND THE DESK IS MS. BLANK. IN FRONT OF THE DESK IS AN EMPTY CHAIR. STANDING BESIDE THE CHAIR, HOLDING SEVERAL, FILLED-OUT FORMS IS HANK SPUTOWSKI. THERE ARE TWO DOORS. ONE UPSTAGE LEFT AND THE OTHER UP-STAGE RIGHT.
MS BLANK IS A NO-NONSENSE EXECUTIVE. HER DARK HAIR IS PULLED BACK IN A TIGHT BUN. SHE WEARS NO MAKEUP. DARK GLASSES HIDE HER EYES. A BLACK, PINSTRIPE SUIT AND PLAIN, LOW-HEELED SHOES COMPLETE HER WARDROBE.
HANK (DRESSED IN HIS BEST SUIT) My name is Sputowski. I got your letter with these
here forms. (HOLDING FORMS OUT) They’re all filled out. I’m the best—
MS BLNK (CUTTING HIM OFF) Sit down Mr. Sputowski.
HANK (SEATS HIMSELF) Call me Hank.
MS BLNK Mr. Sputowski, you have been assigned to me. My name is MS Blank.
HANK Look, Miss—
MS BLNK (ICY) MS!
HANK What?
MS BLNK My name is MS not Miss!
HANK Oh.—look Mizz, I’m a welder. The best spot welder that was ever on an assembly
line. Your letter said—
MS BLNK (A FRIGID INTERRUPTION) My name is not miss or mizz. My name is MS Blank.
Please try to remember that, wont you?
HANK Yeah, sure. (HE EXTENDS HIS RIGHT HAND) Boy, am I glad to meetcha.
MS BLNK (IGNORING HANK’S HAND, SHE TAKES HIS FILLED OUT FORMS.) I see that your
first job was with United Motors Corporation.
HANK That’s right. I quit high school to go to work there. All my folks worked at United.
My father and his brothers, my grandfather and his brothers. I mean I got uncles,
cousins and nephews that worked there. They all got laid off like me.
MS BLNK Why were you laid off Mr. Sputowski?
HANK (BITTER) You wanna know why I got laid off? Me, the best, goddamned—excuse
the language—spot welder they got on the assembly line! I’ll tell ya why I got laid off
after giv’n em the best twelve years of my life! After what me and my family did for
United—
MS BLNK (CUTTING HIM OFF) Why Mr. Sputowski?
HANK Why? Why—what?
MS BLNK Why were you laid off Mr. Sputowski?
HANK (MORE BITTER) I was replaced! D’ya wanna know who replaced me?
MS BLNK Suppose you tell me.
HANK I got replaced by a robot!
MS BLNK (STUDYING THE FORMS) Your next job was with Delta Truck Assemblies.
HANK Yeah. That’s right. I lucked out and got a job there right away on the assembly line.
MS BLNK (LOOKING AT THE FORMS) After more than two years you were laid off again.
HANK I was there almost three years when they laid me off. I couldn’ta believed it.
Me—the best spot welder they had! But—it happened again. They retooled
the factory and I got replaced by one of those goddamn robots.
MS BLNK (UNMOVED) I see. Your next and last job was with Allied Tractor.
HANK Yeah. I thought I was safe there. You know, it be’n a smaller company and all that.
MS BLNK But you weren’t safe there, were you Mr. Sputowski?
HANK (SHAKING HIS HEAD) Nope. Not even there. A little over a year later they canned
me. I was replaced by another one of those freak’n robots. I’ll tell you someth’n
Mizz— Mizz—
MS BLNK Blank.
HANK Yeah. Mizz Blank. Them robots is tak’n away all the jobs from us human beans.
Pretty soon there wont be any jobs left for somebody like me.
MS BLNK (FOR THE FIRST TIME THERE IS COMPASSION IN HER TONE.) Now, don’t you
worry about a thing Mr. Sputowski this is no run-of-the-mill employment agency.
We guarantee that if an applicant qualifies, that person will be put to work
immediately.
HANK (NERVOUS) Do I qualify?
MS BLNK (SMILES FOR THE FIRST TIME) You certainly do Mr. Sputowski. A man with your
experience as a spot welder qualifies, without question. I believe we can place you
tomorrow.
HANK (OVERJOYED) Tomorrow? I—I don’t know what to say!
MS BLNK Don’t say anything. American Industry needs the best spot welders it can get and
we know where those needs are.
HANK (RENEWED SELF-CONFIDENCE) Well, you’re look’n at the best and I’m ready
to go to work!
MS BLNK Of course you are. But—before you do you have to go through our reorientation
program so that we can transform you into the new kind of spot-welder that our
modern factories require.
HANK Reorientation program? Look! I’m the best! I don’t need no reorientation program.
MS BLNK Mr. Sputowski, with the competition American industry is receiving from Japan,
China and other countries, management has become very demanding. It is
really no more than a brief session. You go in and you come out. It only takes one
hour.
HANK That’s all, just one hour? When do I start?
MS BLNK Immediately. Just go through that door (POINTS STAGE RIGHT) over there and you
will be taken care of.
HANK (RISING FROM CHAIR. HE GRABS MS BLANK’S HAND.) Thank you
for everything! (HE TURNS AND WALKS TO DOOR AT STAGE RIGHT.
AS HE IS ABOUT TO ENTER HE TURNS TO MS BLANK, SMILING.)
See ya in one hour.
SCENE 2
IT IS ONE HOUR LATER. MS BLANK IS SEATED AT HER DESK LOOKING OVER VARIOUS PAPERS WHEN A BELL RINGS.
MS BLNK (LOOKING AT HER WATCH) Is it one hour already? (SHE RISES FROM HER DESK
AND GOES TO DOOR STAGE RIGHT. SLOWLY, SHE OPENS THE DOOR.) Come
in, Mr. Sputowski.
HANK SPUTOWSKI SHUFFLES MECHANICALLY INTO THE ROOM. HE HAS, INDEED, BEEN TRANSFORMED. HANK IS A ROBOT.
MS BLANK, AFTER A BRIEF BUT PROFESSIONAL INSPECTION OF THE ROBOT RETURNS TO HER DESK. SHE PICKS UP THE TELEPHONE AND SPEAKS TO HER ASSISTANT.
MS BLNK Hello...Sally. Call United Motors and tell them that we can deliver the new spot
welding robot tomorrow. (PAUSE) Yes, the same price, $250,000 dollars.
SHE HANGS UP THE PHONE. A DOORBELL RINGS. RISING FROM HER DESK
SHE GOES TO THE DOOR AT STAGE LEFT AND OPENS IT. CORY SPUTOWSKI
ENTERS.
CORY SPUTOWSKI HAS ALSO BEEN TRANSFORMED. SHE IS SMARTLY DRESSED AND LOOKS YOUNG AND ATTRACTIVE. SHE SAUNTERS OVER TO THE ROBOT AND LOOKS AT IT WITH DETATCHED AMUSEMENT. STANDING BEHIND CORY IS MS BLANK. CORY TURNS TO FACE HER, SMILING.
MS BLNK (HOLDING A CHECK OUT TO CORY) As agreed, here is your check for $100,000.
BLACKOUT
END