THE REPLACEMENT

 

THE REPLACEMENT

(A short play)

 

8/86

Written & Produced by

Bob Flicker


"ROBOT WORKERS" was the lead story pictured on the cover of TIME Magazine for the week of September 9, 2013. The story talks about robots replacing workers. One of those robots is listed as a welding robot. Now, almost four years later (2017), the trend is to use more robots in almost every manufacturing and service industry.

 

I wrote about welding robots replacing HANK SPUTOWSKI in three different assembly line jobs in my play THE REPLACEMENT, 30 years ago. In real life, there are few surprise endings to the TIME MAGAZINE story;  there is one, in my play, THE REPLACEMENT. 

Take a look:

(Picture from TIME Magazine, September 9, 2013 edition)

 

THE REPLACEMENT

 

Written and produced by Bob Flicker 8/86



Cast

             HANK SPUTOWSKI....age 35 CORY SPUTOWSKI.....age 25

             MS BLANK.................. mid 40’s

                                

ACT 1

 

SCENE 1

 

THE LIVING ROOM OF HANK AND CORY SPUTOWSKI. THE FURNITURE IS WORN AND DRAB. CHILDREN’S TOYS, MAGAZINES, AND ARTICLES OF CLOTHING ARE STREWN ABOUT. THE ROOM IS A STATEMENTOF POVERY AND NEGLECT.

 

  HANK lays sprawled on the sofa. He is unshaven and wears a sweat-stained undershirt that is only partially tucked into dirty, unwashed jeans. He wears no shoes. His socks have large holes through which his toes protrude. Despite the time of day (10:00 a.m.) he is drinking from a quart bottle of beer. HANK is 35 years old and is an unemployed, journeyman welder. He has been out of work for almost two years. After trying, fruitlessly, to find new employment, he has stopped looking.

 

 CORY is HANK’S wife of ten years. She is only 25 years old but looks years older. Four children, endless housework and a nighttime job as a waitress at a diner has worn her out. Her marriage to HANK was forced upon her and a reluctant HANK after he got her pregnant when she was 15 years old.

 

 CORY stands over HANK. She wears a worn housedress and a bandana on her head. A broom is in one hand and a dustpan in the other.

 

CORY         (SCREAMING) Get up you bastard! It’s ten in the morning! Why ain’t you out look’n 

                   for work?

 

HANK         Don’t scream at me Cory! You know damn well why I’m not look’n. There ain’t 

                   noth’n out there for an experienced welder like me. Nobody’s hire’n. 

                   They’re all lay’n off. You know I’ve looked and looked.

 

CORY         You can take some other kinda work.

 

HANK         Like what?

 

CORY         I don’t care what! Anything so long as it can bring in some money. (SHE BURSTS 

                   INTO TEARS)  Hank, the bank’s gonna take our house! We ain’t paid the mortgage 

                   for the past five months!

 

HANK        (SITTING UP) What does the bank want with a dump like this?  C’mon Cory stop 

                  cry’n. We’ll think of someth’n. (HE RISES TO HIS FEET, REACHING OUT TO 

                  COMFORT CORY. SHE PULLS AWAY AT HIS TOUCH.) We still got your money 

                  com’nin.

 

CORY         (WIPING AWAY THE TEARS WITH HER HAND) Are you kid’n? Wait’n on  tables at 

                   the diner ain’t gonna save our house! The salary and tips I get barely put food on 

                   the table. (SHE TURNS TO WALK AWAY AND THEN WHEELS AROUND TO 

                   CONFRONT HANK.)  I don't know how much longer I can keep go'n like this! 

                   Take’n  care of 4 kids and the house dur'n the day and work'n at night. 

                   Look at me! I'm 25 and look like 45!

          

HANK         (REACHES OUT TO CORY) you don’t look so bad. C’mere. 

                   Gimme a kiss.                            


CORY         (PUSHING HIM AWAY) Keep away from me you—you animal!           

 

HANK         Animal!

 

CORY         Yeah! Animal! All you ever think about is grab’n at me and screw'n!                         

 

HANK         (HIS MALE EGO IS INJURED) You never use’ta complain! Let me tell you someth’n

                   —I don’t need you to go to bed with me! There are others who can’t wait! 

 

CORY         I know about those others! Those ugly, fat whores who hang out at the bar. You 

                   think I don’t know what you do  after I go to work?

 

HANK         What do you know? You don’t know noth’n!

 

CORY         (SHE IS FILLED WITH ANGER AND LOATHING.) I know plenty! I know when you’re 

                   supposed to be home watch’n the kids after I go to work, you take off 

                   for Hoolihan’s Bar and—

 

HANK         So what’s wrong if I have a few drinks with the boys? Jimmy’s  old enough to baby 

                   sit.

 

CORY         (SCREAMING) Old enough! You never cared about Jimmy! You blame him for you 

                   have’n to marry me!  

 

HANK         (WEAKLY) That’s not true Cory.

 

CORY         You knocked me up when I was fifteen Hank! If you hadn’ta married me you woulda 

                    gone to jail!

 

HANK         (PROTESTING WEAKLY) I married ya because I love ya.

 

COREY       Ya loved me? Ha! That’s a hot one! You were 25 and I was a dumb, overdeveloped 

                    teenager with hot pants. You were screw’n a dozen other high school girls. Some  

                    of em younger’n me. I was unlucky enough to get pregnant.

 

HANK         That don’t mean I don’t love ya. I love Jimmy—all our   kids.

 

CORY         If ya love Jimmy why do you leave him alone at night?

 

HANK         He’s a big kid, that’s why.

 

CORY         Jimmy is nine years old! What’s he gonna do if the house catches on fire?

 

HANK         The house ain’t gonna catch on fire. Who tole you about me leav’n the house and 

                   go’n to Hoolihan’s?

 

CORY         Never ya mind who told me. I know all about your have’n a few drinks with the 

                   (PAUSES FOR EMPHASIS) boys. Some boys! Shiftless bums more like it! I also 

                   know you been bang’n anyth’n wear’n a skirt or—other wise.

 

HANK         Whada ya mean—or otherwise? Don’t you start gett’n any ideas I’m queer or 

                   someth’n! O.K., I admit there’s been a few times when I crawled into the sack with 

                   some bimbo. What’s the big deal? We ain’t done noth’n for months. A man’s 

                   entitled!


CORY         
(BITTER) Entitled?

 

HANK         Yeah! Entitled! Look, I’m a healthy 35-year-old man. I got  needs! 

 

CORY         (RISING ANGER) Needs? You got needs? So do I got needs! And so do our four 

                   kids got needs! D’ya wanna know about our needs? (DOESN’T WAIT FOR A 

                   RESPONSE) We need security! We need to know that our home ain’t gonna be 

                   taken away! We need a little fun in our lives! Hank, we need an awful lot and 

                   we ain’t gett’n noth’n! 

 

HANK         (DEFENSIVE) It ain’t my fault I got laid off! Ya act like I didn’t knock myself out 

                   look’n for work. Ya know damn well I did! I trained for years to become an expert 

                   welder. I’m the best Cory! There ain’t nobody better’n me! I figured I was set for life 

                   on the assembly line. (FURY)  Three times! Three fuck’n times! I got good jobs and 

                   three fuck’n times I got laid off!    

 

CORY         I heard that story a hundred times. I don’t wanna hear it no more! There’s 

                   other work to be found!

 

HANK         What? Like digg’n ditches?

 

CORY         If that’s what it takes to support your family. Yeah! What’s wrong with 

                   digg’n ditches if it keeps a roof over our heads?

 

HANK         I’m a craftsman! A trained welder! Not no godamned ditch digger!

 

CORY         Hank, right now you ain’t noth’n but an outa work slob who’s used up his 

                   unemployment  and union benefits! You’re a noth’n! (SCREAMING) Ya hear me? A 

                   noth’n!

 

HANK         (HIS MANHOOD IN SHREDS) I’m still a man Cory and don’t  ya forget it! Ask any of 

                   those bimbos down at Hoolihan’s what  kinda man I am. They’ll tell ya!

 CORY        What are they gonna tell me, that ya got a big welding rod! Big deal! Any gorilla in 

                   the zoo can claim the same thing. Ya wanna prove you’re a man? Get a job! Any 

                   kinda job—includ’n  digg’n ditches!

 

THE DOORBELL RINGS TWICE

 

HANK         Must be the mailman.


CORY         Yeah, with more bills we can’t pay!

 

HANK         Ya wanna get the mail?

 

CORY         What for?

 

HANK GOES FOR THE MAIL AND RETURNS WITH A HALF DOZEN ENVELOPES THAT HE IS FANNING THROUGH.

 

HANK         Bill—bill—bill—hey, what’s this? (HE PULLS OUT AN  ENVELOPE FROM THE 

                   MIDDLE OF THE STACK.) Ain’t no  return address or name on this here     

                   envelope. (HE HOLDS THE ENVELOPE UP TO THE LIGHT TRYING TO  

                   DETERMINE  ITS CONTENTS.) I wonder who it's from?


CORY         You can bet it’s somebody we owe money too.

 

HANK         Well, there’s only one way to find out. (HE TEARS THE ENVELOPE OPEN AND 

                   REMOVES A BUSINESS LETTER  AND SOME FORMS.) It’s from the 

                   TECHNOLOGY REORIENTATION EMPLOYMENT AGENCY. I’ve been to every 

                   employment agency around. Ain’t never heard of them.

 

CORY         What do they want?

 

HANK         (READING ALOUD) It says here: “Dear Mr. Sputowski ...your  name has come 

                   to our attention”—I wonder how they got my name? (CONTINUES READING)  

                   “Our  agency is searching for highly skilled craftsmen in the following trades:”          

                   (HANK  MUMBLES AS HIS FINGER TRACKS DOWN A LONG LIST UNTIL HE 

                   COMES TO WELDERS. HE  SHOUTS OUT.)  Welders! They’re look’n for highly 

                   skilled welders! (HE READS ON EXCITEDLY, MUMBLING TO HIMSELF.) 

                   They say if an applicant  qualifies they will place him immediately!  D’ya hear 

                   that, Cory! If I don’t qualify nobody can! I’m gonna call now and make an 

                   appointment!

 

ACT 2

 

SCENE 1

 

 

WE ARE IN THE OFFICE OF THE  TECHNOLOGY REORIENTATION EMPLOYMENT AGENCY. AT CENTER STAGE IS A DESK WITH A TELEPHONE. SEATED BEHIND THE DESK IS MS. BLANK. IN FRONT OF THE DESK IS AN EMPTY CHAIR. STANDING BESIDE THE CHAIR, HOLDING SEVERAL, FILLED-OUT FORMS IS HANK SPUTOWSKI. THERE ARE TWO DOORS. ONE UPSTAGE LEFT AND THE OTHER UP-STAGE RIGHT.

 

MS BLANK IS A NO-NONSENSE EXECUTIVE. HER DARK HAIR IS PULLED BACK IN A TIGHT BUN. SHE WEARS NO MAKEUP. DARK GLASSES HIDE HER EYES. A BLACK, PINSTRIPE SUIT AND PLAIN, LOW-HEELED SHOES COMPLETE HER WARDROBE.

 

HANK         (DRESSED IN HIS BEST SUIT) My name is Sputowski. I got your letter with these 

                   here forms. (HOLDING FORMS OUT) They’re all filled out. I’m the best—

 

MS BLNK   (CUTTING HIM OFF) Sit down Mr. Sputowski.

 

HANK         (SEATS HIMSELF) Call me Hank.

 

MS BLNK   Mr. Sputowski, you have been assigned to me. My name is  MS Blank.                  

 

HANK         Look, Miss—

 

MS BLNK   (ICY) MS!

 

HANK         What?

 

MS BLNK   My name is MS not Miss!



HANK         Oh.—look Mizz, I’m a welder. The best spot welder that was  ever on an assembly    

                  line. Your letter said—

 

MS BLNK   (A FRIGID INTERRUPTION) My name  is not miss or mizz.  My name is MS Blank. 

                   Please try to remember that, wont you?

 

HANK         Yeah, sure. (HE EXTENDS HIS RIGHT HAND) Boy, am I glad to  meetcha.

 

MS BLNK   (IGNORING HANK’S HAND, SHE TAKES HIS FILLED OUT FORMS.)  I see that your 

                   first job was with United Motors  Corporation.

 

HANK         That’s right. I quit high school to go to work there. All my  folks worked at United.  

                   My father and his brothers, my grandfather and his brothers. I mean I got uncles, 

                   cousins and nephews that  worked there. They all got laid off like me.

 

MS BLNK   Why were you laid off Mr. Sputowski?

 

HANK         (BITTER) You wanna know why I got laid off? Me, the best, goddamned—excuse 

                   the language—spot welder they got on the assembly line! I’ll tell ya why I got laid off  

                   after giv’n em the best twelve years of my life! After what me and my family did for 

                    United—

 

MS BLNK   (CUTTING HIM OFF) Why Mr. Sputowski?

 

HANK         Why? Why—what?

 

MS BLNK   Why were you laid off Mr. Sputowski?

 

HANK         (MORE BITTER) I was replaced! D’ya wanna know who replaced me?

 

MS BLNK   Suppose you tell me.

 

 HANK         I got replaced by a robot!

 

MS BLNK   (STUDYING THE FORMS) Your next job was with Delta Truck Assemblies.

 

HANK         Yeah. That’s right. I lucked out and got a job there right  away on the assembly line.

 

MS BLNK   (LOOKING AT THE FORMS) After more than two years you were laid off again.

 

HANK        I was there almost three years when they laid me off. I couldn’ta believed it. 

                  Me—the  best spot welder they had! But—it happened again. They retooled

                  the factory and I got replaced by one of those goddamn robots.

 

MS BLNK   (UNMOVED) I see. Your next and last job was with Allied Tractor.

 

HANK         Yeah. I thought I was safe there. You know, it be’n a smaller company and  all that.

 

MS BLNK   But you weren’t safe there, were you Mr. Sputowski?

 

HANK         (SHAKING HIS HEAD) Nope. Not even there. A little over a  year later they canned 

                   me. I was replaced by another one of  those freak’n robots. I’ll tell you someth’n 

                   Mizz— Mizz—

 

MS BLNK   Blank.

 

HANK         Yeah. Mizz Blank. Them robots is tak’n away all the jobs from us human beans. 

                   Pretty soon there wont be any jobs left for somebody like me.

 

MS BLNK   (FOR THE FIRST TIME THERE IS COMPASSION IN HER TONE.) Now, don’t you 

                   worry about a thing Mr. Sputowski this is no run-of-the-mill  employment agency. 

                   We guarantee that if an applicant qualifies, that person will be put to work  

                   immediately.

 

HANK         (NERVOUS) Do I qualify?

 

MS BLNK   (SMILES FOR THE FIRST TIME) You certainly do Mr. Sputowski. A man with your 

                   experience as a spot welder qualifies, without question. I believe we can place you 

                   tomorrow.

 

HANK         (OVERJOYED) Tomorrow? I—I don’t know what to say!

 

MS BLNK   Don’t say anything. American Industry needs the best spot welders it can get and 

                    we know where those needs are.

 

HANK         (RENEWED SELF-CONFIDENCE) Well, you’re look’n at the best and I’m ready 

                   to go to work!

 

MS BLNK   Of course you are. But—before you do you have  to go through  our reorientation 

                   program so that we can transform you into the new kind of spot-welder that our 

                   modern factories require.

 

HANK         Reorientation program? Look! I’m the best! I don’t need no reorientation program.

 

MS BLNK   Mr. Sputowski, with the competition American industry is receiving from Japan, 

                   China and other countries, management has become very demanding. It is 

                   really no more than a brief  session. You go in and you come out. It only takes one 

                   hour.

 

HANK         That’s all, just one hour? When do I start?

 

MS BLNK   Immediately. Just go through that door (POINTS STAGE RIGHT) over there and you 

                   will be taken care of.

 

HANK         (RISING FROM CHAIR. HE GRABS MS BLANK’S HAND.)  Thank you 

                    for everything!   (HE TURNS AND WALKS TO  DOOR AT STAGE RIGHT. 

                    AS HE  IS ABOUT TO  ENTER HE TURNS TO MS BLANK, SMILING.) 

                   See ya in one hour.

 

SCENE 2

 

IT IS ONE HOUR LATER. MS BLANK IS SEATED AT HER DESK LOOKING OVER VARIOUS PAPERS WHEN A BELL RINGS. 



MS BLNK    (LOOKING AT HER WATCH) Is it one hour  already? (SHE RISES FROM HER DESK 

                    AND GOES TO DOOR STAGE  RIGHT. SLOWLY, SHE OPENS THE DOOR.) Come 

                    in,  Mr. Sputowski.

 

HANK SPUTOWSKI SHUFFLES MECHANICALLY INTO THE ROOM. HE HAS, INDEED, BEEN TRANSFORMED. HANK IS A ROBOT.

 

MS BLANK, AFTER A BRIEF BUT PROFESSIONAL INSPECTION OF THE ROBOT RETURNS TO HER DESK. SHE PICKS UP THE TELEPHONE AND SPEAKS TO HER ASSISTANT.

 

MS BLNK   Hello...Sally. Call United Motors and tell them that we can deliver the new spot 

                   welding robot tomorrow.      (PAUSE) Yes, the same price, $250,000 dollars. 

                   SHE HANGS UP THE PHONE. A DOORBELL RINGS. RISING FROM HER DESK 

                   SHE GOES TO THE DOOR AT STAGE LEFT AND OPENS IT. CORY SPUTOWSKI 

                   ENTERS. 

 

 

CORY SPUTOWSKI HAS ALSO BEEN TRANSFORMED. SHE IS SMARTLY DRESSED AND LOOKS YOUNG AND ATTRACTIVE. SHE SAUNTERS OVER TO THE ROBOT AND LOOKS AT IT WITH DETATCHED AMUSEMENT. STANDING BEHIND CORY IS MS BLANK. CORY TURNS TO FACE HER, SMILING.

 

MS BLNK   (HOLDING A CHECK OUT TO CORY) As agreed, here is your check for $100,000.

 

BLACKOUT

 

END

 

 © robert 2014