9/7/87
written by
Bob Flicker
cast
PROSECUTOR
DEFENSE ATTORNEY
JOHN ANTHA
Scene
The PROSECUTOR stands downstage center facing the audience. The DEFENSE ATTORNEY and JOHN ANTHA are seated at right center stage facing the audience .
ROS (To audience) Ladies and gentlemen, I am going to ask you to
think of yourselves, not as an audience but as a jury.
DEFENSE I object!
PROS It won't do you any good.
DEFENSE Why not?
PROS The judge is dead.
DEFENSE Dead?
PROS His final words were to go on with the trial.
DEFENSE He said that?
PROS And more. He said that the trial of John Antha was too
important to be delayed.
DEFENSE In that case, I withdraw my objection.
PROS (To audience) Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I intend to
prove that the defendant, John Antha, is the single, greatest
corrupter of childrenhat ever lived.
ANTHA (Protesting) I love children and they love me!
PROS I intend to show that even you--the jury--without realizing it ,
are aware of John Antha's horrendous crimes. Worse than
that, you have been brainwashed into accepting them.
DEFENSE (Shouting) Now you are putting the jury on trial!
PROS The defendant's greed and amorality led him into the
commission of grand larceny and (a beat) murder!
Antha leaps to his feet, shouting.
ANTHA I'm innocent! Innocent!
DEFENSE That's good enough for me.
PROS (To jury) I am going to show you--the jury--how you have
been duped into glorifying the defendant and condoning the
heinous crimes he committed.
ANTHA (Subdued) I committed no crimes.
PROS (To jury) I see doubt and confusion on your faces. You have
never heard of John Antha (a beat) right? (Elicits negative
response from jury)
DEFENSE You see! You, the jury, do not recognize my client for
anything but whathe really is; a decent human being wrongly
accused of crimes he never committed.
PROS (Facing Antha) John Antha! I know who you really are!
Antha jumps to his feet, visibly shaken.
ANTHA What?
PROS Your mother has told me everything!
DEFENSE His mother?
ANTHA My mother?
PROS Your mother! She has never forgiven you for what you did to
her.
ANTHA (Found out) I guess it's all over.
Defense attorney jumps to his feet, visibly shaken.
DEFENSE I want a mistrial!
PROS The judge is dead.
DEFENSE Right. (Sits down)
PROS You were never known by the name John Antha. Isn't that
true?
ANTHA True.
PROS Tell the jury the first name by which you were known.
ANTHA Jack.
PROS (To jury) Jack Antha! (a beat) Now, do you recognize him?
(Looks about the jury) No? (To Antha) Tell the jury your last
name.
ANTHA Beanstalk.
PROS (To jury) Jack Antha Beanstalk!
DEFENSE (Shocked) My client is Jack Antha Beanstalk? (Antha nods)
ANTHA My mother never forgave me for trading her cow for those
beans.
DEFENSE But she got all those solid gold eggs.
ANTHA She hates eggs.
PROS You admit you are Jack Antha Beanstalk?
ANTHA Yes. I have nothing to apologize for.
DEFENSE Apologize? Jack Antha Beanstalk, you should be proud of
who you are!
ANTHA I should?
DEFENSE Of course! (To the jury) Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my
client--Jack Antha Beanstalk--has for generations delighted
countless millions of boys and girls, everywhere. (Pointing to
the jury) All of you. Am I right? And myself as well.
ANTHA (Humble) Thank you.
PROS I see smiles on your faces. The defendant brings back
delightful memories of your childhood.
ANTHA (Waving to jury) We had fun, didn't we!
PROS Let us examine that fun Mr. Beanstalk!
ANTHA (Renewed confidence) Call me Jack.
PROS Did your poor mother entrust you to take her cow to market
and sell it?
ANTHA Yes.
PROS Isn't it true that the cow no longer gave milk and your poor
mother was desperate for money to buy food?
ANTHA Yes.
PROS Instead of selling the cow you traded it for a handful of
beans!
ANTHA Magic beans.
DEFENSE Everyone knows--and I might add--loves the story.
PROS After your mother threw the beans out the window, you
found a huge vine growing up through the clouds.
ANTHA That's right. I named the vine after me.
PROS That is how it became known as a beanstalk?
ANTHA That came later. At first, because it grew heavenward, I
called it (a beat) de-vine-- untiI I became disillusioned.
PROS Tell the jury what happened.
ANTHA Well, when I climbed up de-vine I expected to find God.
PROS Did you?
ANTHA At first, I thought I did when I saw the Giant.
PROS You thought the Giant was God?
ANTHA I thought I had reached heaven so, naturally, I thought the
Giant was God.
PROS When did you change your mind?
ANTHA After I saw him with that big goose that laid golden eggs.
PROS So?
ANTHA So, I wanted that big goose that laid golden eggs. I figured if
that Giant was God, he was somebody else's, not mine.
PROS What made you think he wasn't your God?
ANTHA He didn't look like any of the statues in my church.
PROS That made it all right to steal the goose that laid golden
eggs?
ANTHA Absolutely, since I was figuring on giving 10% of the golden
eggs to my church.
DEFENSE God bless you Jack Antha Beanstalk.
PROS Tell the jury what happened when the Giant saw you
stealing his goose that laid golden eggs.
ANTHA He chased me down de-vine (a beat) better known as the
beanstalk.
PROS What did you do?
ANTHA Reaching the ground first, I took an axe and chopped down
the beanstalk.
PROS What happened to the Giant?
ANTHA He fell to earth and was killed.
PROS First you stole the goose that laid golden eggs and then, you
murdered its owner, the Giant!
DEFENSE I object!
PROS The judges-- Never mind. What do you object to?
DEFENSE Killing a giant is not murder and stealing from a giant is not
theft.
PROS Where did you get that from?
DEFENSE Every kid knows that!
PROS How do they know that?
DEFENSE From reading Jack Antha Beanstalk.
PROS I rest my case.
BLACKOUT
