written by

Bob Flicker

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The PROSECUTOR stands downstage center facing the audience. The DEFENSE ATTORNEY and JOHN ANTHA are seated at right center stage facing the audience .

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ROS            (To audience) Ladies and gentlemen, I am going to ask you to 

                    think of yourselves, not as an audience but as a jury.

DEFENSE    I object!

PROS            It won't do you any good.

DEFENSE    Why not?

PROS            The judge is dead.   

DEFENSE     Dead?

PROS            His final words were to go on with the trial.

DEFENSE      He said that?

PROS            And more. He said that the trial of John Antha was too 

                      important to be delayed.

DEFENSE    In that case, I withdraw my objection.

PROS            (To audience) Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I intend to 

                     prove that the defendant, John Antha, is the single, greatest 

                      corrupter of childrenhat ever lived.

ANTHA        (Protesting) I love children and they love me!

PROS        I intend to show that even you--the jury--without realizing it , 

                  are aware of John Antha's horrendous crimes. Worse than 

                  that, you have been brainwashed into accepting them.

DEFENSE    (Shouting) Now you are putting the jury on trial!

PROS         The defendant's greed and amorality led him into the 

                   commission of grand larceny and (a beat) murder!

Antha leaps to his feet, shouting.

ANTHA        I'm innocent! Innocent!

DEFENSE    That's good enough for me.

PROS         (To jury) I am going to show you--the jury--how you have 

                   been duped into glorifying the defendant and condoning the 

                    heinous crimes  he committed.

ANTHA        (Subdued) I committed no crimes.

PROS         (To jury) I see doubt and confusion on your faces. You have 

                   never heard of John Antha (a beat) right? (Elicits negative 

                   response from jury)

DEFENSE   You see! You, the jury, do not recognize my client for 

                   anything but whathe really is; a decent human being wrongly 

                   accused of crimes he  never committed.

PROS           (Facing Antha) John Antha! I know who you really are!

Antha jumps to his feet, visibly shaken.

ANTHA        What?

PROS          Your mother has told me everything!

DEFENSE    His mother?

ANTHA        My mother?

PROS           Your mother! She has never forgiven you for what you did to 


ANTHA        (Found out)  I guess it's all over.

Defense attorney jumps to his feet, visibly shaken.

DEFENSE     I want a mistrial!

PROS            The judge is dead.

DEFENSE     Right. (Sits down)

PROS           You were never known by the name John Antha. Isn't that 


ANTHA        True.

PROS            Tell the jury the first name by which you were known.

ANTHA        Jack.

PROS          (To jury) Jack Antha! (a beat) Now, do you recognize him? 

                   (Looks about the jury) No? (To Antha) Tell the jury your last 


ANTHA        Beanstalk.

PROS            (To jury) Jack Antha Beanstalk!

DEFENSE    (Shocked) My client is Jack Antha Beanstalk? (Antha nods)

ANTHA        My mother never forgave me for trading her cow for those 


DEFENSE    But she got all those solid gold eggs.

ANTHA        She hates eggs.

PROS            You admit you are Jack Antha Beanstalk?

ANTHA        Yes. I have nothing to apologize for.

DEFENSE    Apologize? Jack Antha Beanstalk, you should be proud of 

                    who you are!

ANTHA        I should?

DEFENSE   Of course! (To the jury) Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my 

                   client--Jack Antha Beanstalk--has for generations delighted 

                   countless millions of boys and girls, everywhere. (Pointing to 

                   the jury) All of you. Am I right? And myself as well.

ANTHA        (Humble) Thank you.

PROS          I see smiles on your faces. The defendant brings back 

                    delightful memories of your childhood.

ANTHA        (Waving to jury) We had fun, didn't we!

PROS            Let us examine that fun Mr. Beanstalk!

ANTHA        (Renewed confidence) Call me Jack.

PROS           Did your poor mother entrust you to take her cow to market 

                     and sell it?

ANTHA        Yes.

PROS            Isn't it true that the cow no longer gave milk and your poor 

                      mother was desperate for money to buy food?

ANTHA        Yes.

PROS           Instead of selling the cow you traded it for a handful of 


ANTHA         Magic beans.

DEFENSE     Everyone knows--and I might add--loves the story.

PROS            After your mother threw the beans out the window, you 

                      found a huge vine growing up through the clouds.

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ANTHA        That's right. I named the vine after me.

PROS            That is how it became known as a beanstalk?

ANTHA         That came later. At first, because it grew heavenward, I 

                     called it (a beat) de-vine-- untiI I became disillusioned. 

PROS           Tell the jury what happened.

ANTHA         Well, when I climbed up de-vine I expected to find God.

PROS            Did you?

ANTHA         At first, I thought I did when I saw the Giant.

PROS            You thought the Giant was God?   

ANTHA         I thought I had reached heaven so, naturally, I thought the 

                     Giant was God.

PROS            When did you change your mind?

ANTHA         After I saw him with that big goose that laid golden eggs.

PROS            So?

ANTHA         So, I wanted that big goose that laid golden eggs. I figured if 

                     that Giant was God, he was somebody else's, not mine.

PROS           What made you think he wasn't your God?

ANTHA        He didn't look like any of the statues in my church.

PROS           That made it all right to steal the goose that laid golden 


ANTHA        Absolutely, since I was figuring on giving 10% of the golden 

                    eggs to my church.

DEFENSE      God bless you Jack Antha Beanstalk.

PROS          Tell the jury what happened when the Giant saw you 

                     stealing his goose that laid golden eggs.

ANTHA         He chased me down de-vine (a beat) better known as the 


PROS            What did you do?

ANTHA         Reaching the ground first, I took an axe and chopped down 

                     the beanstalk.

PROS            What happened to the Giant?

ANTHA          He fell to earth and was killed.

PROS            First you stole the goose that laid golden eggs and then, you 

                      murdered its owner, the Giant!

DEFENSE      I object!

PROS            The judges-- Never mind. What do you object to?

DEFENSE      Killing a giant is not murder and stealing from a giant is not 


PROS            Where did you get that from?

DEFENSE     Every kid knows that!

PROS            How do they know that?

DEFENSE    From reading Jack Antha Beanstalk.

PROS            I rest my case.


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 © robert 2014