Bob Flicker

revised 2/5/14

Look for MIMZEE’S MUSICAL TOILET PAPER video coming soon to the Internet.




                              MIMZEE                            A 14 or 15 year-old girl


                               DEXTER DALE             Host of the Dexter Dale TV Show


                               ANNOUNCER             (Can be unseen voice announcing Dexter Dale)


                                THE BAND                    Band or Vocalist Winner of:

                                                                              The Mimzee Musical Toilet Paper Award

                                                                              (Winner to be recorded on Musical Toilet Paper)





TV studio set for the Dexter Dale Talk Show. Dexter Dale waits to be announced. There is a desk with one empty chair.  Could use canned music and applause with Dexter Dale entrance.  


ANNOUNCER       Welcome to the Dexter Dale Show. And here he is! DexterDale! 

                                        (Entrance to music and applause.)


DEXTER                 (Waves to unseen audience. Takes seat at desk.) Thank you. Thank you. 

                                    Tonight we have just one, very special, amazing guest. A guest who 

                                     everybody has heard about, whose invention has changed the lives of  

                                     millions of Americans and people who use toilet paper throughout the 

                                     world. Meet, for the very first time, the inventor of Mimzee’s Musical 

                                     Toilet Paper…Mimzee! (Mimzee makes her entrance to canned  

                                     applause and is ushered to her seat.)


MIMZEE               (Waves to audience and takes seat. Self-confident)  Hi, Dexter. Hi, 



DEXTER               Hello, Mimzee. I am absolutely delighted to have you on my show. This is  

                                   your first television appearance. Am I correct?


MIMZEE               That’s right.


DEXTER               I want to know—The whole country wants to know why and how you 

                                   invented Mimzee’s Musical Toilet Paper. Your musical toilet paper has 

                                   not only changed the way people use toilet paper but has given new 

                                   bands and vocalists a chance to be heard.


MIMZEE               Well Dexter, I love music. It came to me that when toilet paper is 

                                    unrolled all you can hear is it unrolling. What a  waste, I thought. Why 

                                    not fill that toilet paper with music?


DEXTER               I never thought of it that way until you changed the way the world uses 

                                   toilet paper. I’m sure our studio and television audiences feel the same 

                                   way. (Applause) Tell us what inspired you to create Mimzee’s Musical 

                                   Toilet Paper.


MIMZEE               (Waves to audience) Thank you. Well Dexter, I just felt unrolling toilet 

                                    paper could be made to be fun. Didn’t you ever feel that way?


DEXTER               Frankly, I never thought about it until you created musical toilet paper. 

                                   You sold your startup business to a Chinese company for a billion 

                                    dollars. Am I right?


MIMZEE               That’s true. I was offered more by an American company but I figured 

                                    that since there are more than two billion people in China and figuring I 

                                    would get a commission on each roll of musical toilet paper sold I would 

                                    come out way ahead. I mean, two billion people figures out to a lot of 

                                    musical toilet paper. I’m staying on as musical director.


DEXTER               You are not including the rest of the world?


MIMZEE               Oh yes, that’s another five billion people. It’s estimated that over four 

                                    billion are toilet paper consumers.


DEXTER               So, tell us about the music. How is the sound quality?


MIMZEE               Considering that you would be sitting on the pot with the sound coming 

                                    from two small speakers imbedded in your musical toilet paper 

                                    dispenser, it’s really good. I have included a headphone jack where a 

                                     person can plug in a headphone for great stereo surround sound quality


DEXTER               Why toilet paper?                             


MEMZIE               I guess you could say that I wanted fun in using toilet paper. I found 

                                    tearing off sheets of toilet paper boring.  I wanted more out of toilet 

                                    paper. Now,when people use Mimzee’s Musical Toilet Paper they can 

                                    listen to music. They are able to choose the music they want from an 

                                    electronic selection list that will appear on a special musical toilet paper 

                                     holder/dispenser display.


DEXTER               That is amazing.


MIMZEE               That’s not all.


DEXTER               No? There’s more?


MIMZEE               Yes. My musical toilet paper glows in the dark. There’s no need to turn 

                                    on the bathroom light in the night. It lights the way.                        


DEXTER               Wow! (Holding a printed paper) It says here that an independent 

                                    research group has estimated that the average musical toilet paper user 

                                    will use two yards, listening to music, with each bathroom sit-down! 

                                    That is averaging men and women together.          


MIMZEE               Yes, but I think we will beat that estimate. Each yard of musical toilet 

                                    paper will equal one minute of music. Most  songs will play one minute 

                                    for each yard and finish in three minutes. That’s three yards for each 

                                     sitting. Most people will stay on the pot a little longer so they can hear 

                                     an entire song.


DEXTER               How does a fourteen-year-old girl invent something like this? I can’t 

                                   begin to imagine out how it all works.       


MIMZEE               I was born with a curious mind, Dexter, and the ability to transform my 

                                    ideas into something real. My musical toilet paper was one of those 

                                    ideas. I invented a three-part system that delivers hi-fidelity music on 

                                    toilet paper.


DEXTER               Resulting in the use of more Mimzee’s Musical Toilet paper... (Amazed)



MIMZEE               I just have a knack for inventing things.


DEXTER               Help me understand how it all works.


MIMZEE               My musical toiletpaper system consists of three parts. First,there is the 

                                    musical toilet paper holder/dispenser.  That is the brains of my 



DEXTER               (Trying to be funny) I never realized toilet paper needed brains.


MIMZEE               It helps if the user doesn’t have any. Oh—I didn’t mean you Dexter.


DEXTER               I walked into that one. You were talking about the brains of your musical 

                                   toilet paper system.


MIMZEE               It consists of two speakers, an electronic display, a magnetic reader and 

                                   the special musical toilet paper magnetic dispenser distributor. Second—


DEXTER               Whoa! You invented all of that?


MIMZEE               Parts of it. Most of it was off the shelf electronics.


DEXTER               So, when girls your age were thinking about boys you were thinking

                                   about toilet paper?


MIMZEE               Musical toilet paper. The boys I knew weren’t smart enough to 

                                    understand what I was doing. All they did was make jokes about it and 



DEXTER               I interrupted you before. You said second.


MIMZEE               Second: I invented the device that makes the unit’s brain function. That 

                                    is the insertable, re-recordable, playback module.


DEXTER               You lost me. What is that?


MIMZEE               The playback module will record three minute songs that can be played 

                                    on the playback reader.


DEXTER               What you are saying is that a song can be replaced and a new one 

                                   recorded for playback.     


MINZEE               You got it. Third, is the musical toilet paper itself. This is no ordinary 

                                    toilet paper. It contains microscopic, electronic activators.  As the 

                                    musical toilet paper is pulled out, it passes over an electronic converter 

                                     that converts to great sounding music.


DEXTER               Amazing! Tell us about Mimzee’s Musical Toilet Paper Band and Vocal



MIMZEE               Each month we will feature an unknown band or a vocalist who will 

                                    appear on Mimzee’s Musical Toilet Paper. They will be awarded three 

                                    yards of musical toilet paper. That’s three minutes of performance time.


DEXTER               And--we have with us this month’s winner. Ladies and gentlemen the—

                                   (Band or Vocalist)


                                                                 (After a 3 minute performance)


 © robert 2014