THREE CHEERS FOR BIG LIARS

 

 

 

 

 

“Make the lie big, keep it simple, keep saying it and eventually they will believe it!” is attributed to the Nazi, Third Reich's chief of propaganda, Joseph Goebbels.

 

 

This is The Unofficial Pseudo Handbook For Telling Big, Believable Lies

 

Chapter 1... God Only Knows

Chapter 2...The Art of Lying

Chapter 3...Improving Your Lying Skills

Chapter 4...Keeping An Honest Face

Chapter 5...Learn From The Experts

Chapter 6...(finally) Backing Up Your Big Lie With Action

 

“Quid Pro Quo” ... Give something to get something (value your lie)

 

 

BIG LIES ARE IN

  This handbook is dedicated to George Washington, the American father of the BIG LIE.

 

 

Preface

Every American child knows the story but not all of the truthful, following details:

Little George Washington (the child) was confronted by his father.

 “Georgie, did you chop down the cherry tree?”

“ No father.” Little George Washington replied with a straight face.

“ How is it that you are holding an axe?”

“I found it next to the cherry tree and picked it up.” replied Georgie.

“ There are wood chips in your wig.”

“ I put them there.”

“Why?”

“Everybody knows that cherry tree woodchips are good for the hair.”

“You are wearing a wig.”

They made me do it!”

“Who?”

“Them!”

“Why should I believe you?”

“Because, when I grow up and become president I’ll give you a big job.”

“I believe you, Georgie.

 

***

 

 

CHAPTER 1

 

God Only Knows

(An expression for faithfully avoiding telling the truth.)

Do you believe in God? Of course you do. I can just picture those well-worn pages in the bible you have opened before you. It’s all about love and truth, right? Love thy neighbor and all that kind of stuff. Right? God is truth. Right? The problem is THEM sometimes referred to as THEY. Right?  I can almost see the smile creeping across your face. 

 

God will understand and forgive you for being a lying hypocrite this once or twice or a few more times as needed. He, she or they made you do it! It’s not your fault for being a lying rat. (That’s what the other he, she or they call you.)      

 

Keep the faith (as often as needed). After all, you are only human and a devout believer and will surely be forgiven for your lying sins (Lying was once a sin in the Old Days.)                                                                                                                                                                             

 

 

CHAPTER 2

 

THE ART OF LYING

 

It’s a GODGIVEN GIFT to be a good, effective liar. Who said that? Satan? He could have if you believe there is a Satan or is that another big lie? God? I suppose that depends upon whose god we are talking about. A truthful God must just ignore those lying believers because God is a forgiving God or is that a myth? So, is there comfort in lying? A good liar can lie anywhere, anytime. Perhaps your lying skills need more practice. It can be a big help not to smile while speaking your big, serious lie. Smiling works only if you know how to use it. It’s called the liar’s smile. Audiences love it.

 

Be objective about your lying talents. Nothing is worse than a no-talent liar. Pick a talented role model to emulate. Ask yourself who is the most talented and effective liar you know of. Learn!

 

Is being able to be a really good liar an art form? The answer is no! It does, however require some acting skills. The better your acting abilities the more likely you will be believed.

Do you know of a great liar/actor? Learn from that person!

 

 

CHAPTER 3

 

IMPROVING YOUR LYING SKILLS

 

Who is the very best liar you know of? Emulate! Avoid the stupid smile when delivering your big lies. Learn the cynical smile. (More later) Urging violence can be tricky and not a good idea. It can be used on either one or many only if warranted. “Don’t mess with Mr. In-between!”  Perhaps you have heard that before?

 

How to avoid thinking “My audience is really stupid to believe these stupid lies I’m telling!”. Just believe what a great liar you are. How do you do that? Simple! Just convince yourself that you are smarter than those who question your veracity.

 

  

CHAPTER 4

 

KEEPING AN HONEST FACE

 

Never, never apologize! It’s a sure sign of weakness. Rehearse your lies in front of a mirror. Let your facial expressions reflect the tone of your subject manor. Most of all, don’t laugh at your own jokes! They are probably not funny to your audience.

 


CHAPTER 5

 

LEARN FROM THE EXPERTS

You know who some of them are. Watch and learn. Don’t bother with learning from amateur liars. There are too many great liars out there to emulate. Best of all there are no costs to you. The very best liars are on television constantly.

 

CHAPTER 6

(finally)

 

BACKING UP YOUR BIG LIES WITH ACTION

 

You deliver the big lies. Let them do the dirty work! Do it right and you will be the big hero. You might even be elected President.

 

END?


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 © robert 2014