A WRITER’S GHOSTS and ABSURDLY YOURS are going bi-coastal!


About the following unfinished story...


In its present form WHO BURIES THE UNDERTAKER? is absurd and rightly belongs under the heading of ABSURDLY YOURS. Where is it going? As of this writing I have no idea, if indeed it is going anywhere at all. The thing is, I am both intrigued and challenged by it. If absurdity is not your thing, read no further especially after reading (and listening to) all the absurd political news and claims we are exposed to each and every day.






Bob Flicker

August ‘15


The high school graduating class of 1942 totaled 82 people if you counted Dumb-Dumb Dullworth Rapseed, 81 without him. He didn’t actually graduate. Technically, he was ejected at the age of 23 when the class of 1942 was graduated while they tore down the school building during the ceremony. They gave him a special diploma that read EJECTED FROM POTBURNER HIGH SCHOOL WITH SPECIAL HONORS. He was immediately drafted into the army and made a captain for special intelligence.


Clyde Fleecebottom, the town street-namer and senior sewer inspector (except there were no sewers in Potburner Village, only septic tanks most of which no longer functioned) was the only one who knew what those specials honors were since he invented them and refused to divulge what they were. Just the title, WITH SPECIALS HONORS was enough for Dumb-Dumb Dullworth Rapseed and the United States army.


  No one who was born and raised in Potburner Village—and that included all 326 Potburner residents except Walleyed Wally Whippermouth the Second who was born in the Denththistle shack which lay 2 1/2 inches outside the village limits due to the mudslide of ought 13—wanted to pay any more tax than they had been paying and that was zero. The problem for the good people of Potburner Village was that Walleyed Wally Whippermouth the Second owned the cemetery that lay thirteen inches outside of Potburner Village limits. There just was no longer room to bury people within the village limits after they interred Tall Top Sweetwater who was seven feet, six inches tall and required nailing together two seven foot caskets, both of which were meant for town’s last two mules.


Demolishing Potburner High School was the town’s last claim to being a center for advanced education in that part of the state. Although there were those who claimed that firing Mr. Romaninski, the high school’s Latin teacher for allegedly molesting Sister Sabatini was the true end to Romance language education. Sister Sabatini insisted that Mr. Romaninski was merely trying to illustrate amo, amas, amat that explained the state of their undress when discovered. 

Walleyed Wally Whippermouth  the Second knew he had the people of Potburner Village just where he wanted them when the Mayor, Nubert Sweetsweat  invited him to appear before a town hall meeting. The subject would be real estate. The real estate in question being Walleyed Wally Whippermouth’s cemetery and (recently added) miniature golf course.


The town meeting was filled to overflowing with standing room only for Walleyed Wally Whippermouth the Second’s appearance.  Both chairs were filled early and the one space for standing was occupied by a moose head that had been stored there for the past thirteen years.


Mayor Sweetsweat was prepared to make Walleyed Wally an offer for use of his cemetery he couldn’t refuse.

      (to be continued)




Now in preparation is a tutorial: How you, the little man and woman (Mr. and Mrs. ordinary American), can buy an election on the cheap and “get yours” (whatever yours is). Also in preparation is a high school level course on affordable election buying.


Bob Flicker


 © robert 2014