A SHORT SHORTS REVIEW 1
by
Bob Flicker
awritersghosts.com
Your Insiders’ View of The Scripts Before “Filming”
***
Dumb...Dumber...Dumbest
“You are the dumbest person I ever met!”
“Just because I forget your name?”
“Yes.”
“Everybody forgets a person’s name sometimes.”
“Their twin brother?”
***
This Suit Doesn’t Fit
“You did it again!” (Shouting}
“I did?”
“You know darn well you did” (Shouting)
“What did I do?”
“You’re not going to squirm out of it this time! (Shouting)
“I’m not?”
“No! I’m going to sue you for everything you got Charlie!”
“I’m not Charlie.”
“Oh.”
***
Skunk Lovers
“Welcome to Skunkville the proud home to the world’s worst
smelling skunks.”
“The smell is awful!”
“Thank you.”
***
Confession
“Molly I got a confession.”
“Tell me, Tootsie. I love confessions.”
“I’m having an affair with a married man.”
“Does your husband know?
“Of course he doesn’t know.”
“What about your lover’s wife? Does she know?
“Not yet.”
“I always said that any married man who has an affair is his wife’s fault.”
“That’s very open-minded of you Molly.”
“I can keep a secret. Can you tell me who it is, Tootsie?”
“Your husband.”
***
Don’t Tell Mom
“I voted three times.”
“Republican or Democrat?
“One each.”
“That’s only two times. Who got your third vote?”
“My mother.”
“Your mother?”
“Yep. ... She lost.”
“What was she running for?”
“President.”
“Of these United States?”
“Yep.”
“That’s very funny.”
“Don’t let her hear you say that!”
“How did she react to losing?”
“I haven’t told her yet.”
***
A Truthful Lie
“You are a liar!”
“Who?”
“You.”
“Not true!”
“You lied to me!”
“True.”
“You admit it?”
“No I don’t.”
“You just did.”
“No I didn’t.”
***
Married?
“I just got a divorce.”
“I didn’t know you were married.”
“I wasn’t.”
“How could you get a divorce if you weren’t married?”
“That’s what I told the judge.”
“What did the judge do?”
“He increased my alimony payments.”
***
What Dog?
“Dogs are not allowed in these apartments!”
“So?”
“So you got a dog.”
“No I don’t.”
“What do you call that at the end of the leash?”
“It’s a plunk.”
“There’s
no such thing as a plunk!
“Here’s
$100 that says it’s a plunk.”
“Male or female?”
***
A Job Is A Job
“I just lost my job!”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“I’m a victim of free, mail-order technology.”
“What kind of work did you have?”
“I was a shoplifter.”
***
Fifty Cents
“I was just offered a raise.”
“How much?”
“Fifty cents.”
“You call that a raise?”
“Not really. That’s what the boss called it.”
“You shoulda done something.”
“I did.”
“What?”
“Married his daughter.”
***
A Matter of Taste
“You are putting ketchup in your coffee?
“I am, with a little mustard and vinegar.”
“I never heard of such a dumb thing.”
“Have you ever tried it?”
“Only with ketchup.”
***
Belief
“I believe everything he says.”
“Even if he said the world is flat?”
“Isn’t it?”
***
Coal Car
“What kind of car is that?”
“A flankthister.”
“A flankthister?”
“Yep. Built it myself from used garbage cans.”
“Used garbage cans?”
“Yep. It runs on coal.
“Coal?”
“Yep. I get 20 miles to a five pound lump.”
***
A Matter of Taste
“What kinda of pizza is that?”
“Chocolate.”
“Chocolate pizza?”
“With garlic sprinkles.”
“Where did you buy that?”
“I didn’t. Made it myself.”
“Why?”
“I like garlic.”
***
Smoking?
“I quit smoking.”
“Congratulations. When did you quit?”
“Tomorrow.”
***
(To be continued)
awritersghosts.com
push here to return to beginning