(A QUICK SKETCH)
WRITTEN
by
Bob Flicker
revised 2/5/14
Look for MIMZEE’S MUSICAL TOILET PAPER video coming soon to the Internet.
CAST
MIMZEE A 14 or 15 year-old girl
DEXTER DALE Host of the Dexter Dale TV Show
ANNOUNCER (Can be unseen voice announcing Dexter Dale)
THE BAND Band or Vocalist Winner of:
The Mimzee Musical Toilet Paper Award
(Winner to be recorded on Musical Toilet Paper)
SCENE
TV studio set for the Dexter Dale Talk Show. Dexter Dale waits to be announced. There is a desk with one empty chair. Could use canned music and applause with Dexter Dale entrance.
ANNOUNCER Welcome to the Dexter Dale Show. And here he is! DexterDale!
(Entrance to music and applause.)
DEXTER (Waves to unseen audience. Takes seat at desk.) Thank you. Thank you.
Tonight we have just one, very special, amazing guest. A guest who
everybody has heard about, whose invention has changed the lives of
millions of Americans and people who use toilet paper throughout the
world. Meet, for the very first time, the inventor of Mimzee’s Musical
Toilet Paper…Mimzee! (Mimzee makes her entrance to canned
applause and is ushered to her seat.)
MIMZEE (Waves to audience and takes seat. Self-confident) Hi, Dexter. Hi,
everybody.
DEXTER Hello, Mimzee. I am absolutely delighted to have you on my show. This is
your first television appearance. Am I correct?
MIMZEE That’s right.
DEXTER I want to know—The whole country wants to know why and how you
invented Mimzee’s Musical Toilet Paper. Your musical toilet paper has
not only changed the way people use toilet paper but has given new
bands and vocalists a chance to be heard.
MIMZEE Well Dexter, I love music. It came to me that when toilet paper is
unrolled all you can hear is it unrolling. What a waste, I thought. Why
not fill that toilet paper with music?
DEXTER I never thought of it that way until you changed the way the world uses
toilet paper. I’m sure our studio and television audiences feel the same
way. (Applause) Tell us what inspired you to create Mimzee’s Musical
Toilet Paper.
MIMZEE (Waves to audience) Thank you. Well Dexter, I just felt unrolling toilet
paper could be made to be fun. Didn’t you ever feel that way?
DEXTER Frankly, I never thought about it until you created musical toilet paper.
You sold your startup business to a Chinese company for a billion
dollars. Am I right?
MIMZEE That’s true. I was offered more by an American company but I figured
that since there are more than two billion people in China and figuring I
would get a commission on each roll of musical toilet paper sold I would
come out way ahead. I mean, two billion people figures out to a lot of
musical toilet paper. I’m staying on as musical director.
DEXTER You are not including the rest of the world?
MIMZEE Oh yes, that’s another five billion people. It’s estimated that over four
billion are toilet paper consumers.
DEXTER So, tell us about the music. How is the sound quality?
MIMZEE Considering that you would be sitting on the pot with the sound coming
from two small speakers imbedded in your musical toilet paper
dispenser, it’s really good. I have included a headphone jack where a
person can plug in a headphone for great stereo surround sound quality
DEXTER Why toilet paper?
MEMZIE I guess you could say that I wanted fun in using toilet paper. I found
tearing off sheets of toilet paper boring. I wanted more out of toilet
paper. Now,when people use Mimzee’s Musical Toilet Paper they can
listen to music. They are able to choose the music they want from an
electronic selection list that will appear on a special musical toilet paper
holder/dispenser display.
DEXTER That is amazing.
MIMZEE That’s not all.
DEXTER No? There’s more?
MIMZEE Yes. My musical toilet paper glows in the dark. There’s no need to turn
on the bathroom light in the night. It lights the way.
DEXTER Wow! (Holding a printed paper) It says here that an independent
research group has estimated that the average musical toilet paper user
will use two yards, listening to music, with each bathroom sit-down!
That is averaging men and women together.
MIMZEE Yes, but I think we will beat that estimate. Each yard of musical toilet
paper will equal one minute of music. Most songs will play one minute
for each yard and finish in three minutes. That’s three yards for each
sitting. Most people will stay on the pot a little longer so they can hear
an entire song.
DEXTER How does a fourteen-year-old girl invent something like this? I can’t
begin to imagine out how it all works.
MIMZEE I was born with a curious mind, Dexter, and the ability to transform my
ideas into something real. My musical toilet paper was one of those
ideas. I invented a three-part system that delivers hi-fidelity music on
toilet paper.
DEXTER Resulting in the use of more Mimzee’s Musical Toilet paper... (Amazed)
MIMZEE I just have a knack for inventing things.
DEXTER Help me understand how it all works.
MIMZEE My musical toiletpaper system consists of three parts. First,there is the
musical toilet paper holder/dispenser. That is the brains of my
invention.
DEXTER (Trying to be funny) I never realized toilet paper needed brains.
MIMZEE It helps if the user doesn’t have any. Oh—I didn’t mean you Dexter.
DEXTER I walked into that one. You were talking about the brains of your musical
toilet paper system.
MIMZEE It consists of two speakers, an electronic display, a magnetic reader and
the special musical toilet paper magnetic dispenser distributor. Second—
DEXTER Whoa! You invented all of that?
MIMZEE Parts of it. Most of it was off the shelf electronics.
DEXTER So, when girls your age were thinking about boys you were thinking
about toilet paper?
MIMZEE Musical toilet paper. The boys I knew weren’t smart enough to
understand what I was doing. All they did was make jokes about it and
me.
DEXTER I interrupted you before. You said second.
MIMZEE Second: I invented the device that makes the unit’s brain function. That
is the insertable, re-recordable, playback module.
DEXTER You lost me. What is that?
MIMZEE The playback module will record three minute songs that can be played
on the playback reader.
DEXTER What you are saying is that a song can be replaced and a new one
recorded for playback.
MINZEE You got it. Third, is the musical toilet paper itself. This is no ordinary
toilet paper. It contains microscopic, electronic activators. As the
musical toilet paper is pulled out, it passes over an electronic converter
that converts to great sounding music.
DEXTER Amazing! Tell us about Mimzee’s Musical Toilet Paper Band and Vocal
Awards.
MIMZEE Each month we will feature an unknown band or a vocalist who will
appear on Mimzee’s Musical Toilet Paper. They will be awarded three
yards of musical toilet paper. That’s three minutes of performance time.
DEXTER And--we have with us this month’s winner. Ladies and gentlemen the—
(Band or Vocalist)
(After a 3 minute performance)
BLACKOUT