Home 

ABSURDITY


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“WHAT IF ONLY I HAD ...?” 

 

Is there such a thing as TOO LATE?

MAYBE NOT FOR YOU!

 

You may have regrets over paths not taken leading to ...

WHAT YOU THINK MIGHT HAVE BEEN. 

HOWEVER, 

Accepting what IS can very well be as good or better than what you imagine might have been.

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WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE...

Waterwater everywhere, / Nor any drop to drink

Lines from “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner,” by Samuel Taylor Coleridge. The speaker, a sailor on a becalmed ship, is surrounded by salt water that he cannot drink.

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NON VOTERS & COMPLAINERS


  Stinky (Stingly) Stenchvasser was mayor of Pizztown for the past ten years. His three elections were always by default because no one else wanted the job. However, he always considered his election to be unanimous; one to nothing; his one to everybody else;s nothing. No one in  Pizztown ever voted for anything or anyone. 

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A SHORT SHORTS REVIEW 1

  

Your Insiders’ View of The Scripts Before “Filming”

 

***

Dumb...Dumber...Dumbest

 

“You are the dumbest person I ever met!”

“Just because I forget your name?”

“Yes.”

“Everybody forgets a person’s name sometimes.”

“Their twin brother?”

For many more, Click Here!

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OUR BATTLES BETWEEN MIND & BODY

The Uneasy Alliance (The Short Version)

by

Bob Flicker

Is There A Winner? - A Loser? 

What kind of nonsense is that? Never heard of such a thing? We are who we are, equipped with a brain and a body. A person! End of story!

Not so fast!

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sīkōkəˈnēsis - sīkōˌkīˈnēsis

noun

The supposed ability to move objects by mental effort alone 

PSYCHOKINESIS

 

  

HAVE MOVED OBJECTS WITH MY MIND

(Sort Of...)

 

PREFACE 

A little over sixty years ago I trained to become a hypnotist. I graduated at the top of my class. In all modesty I must admit that I was good, very good. My wife and I, having married at a very young age, soon discovered that our marriage was in serious trouble. In my youthful exuberance I, foolishly, determined that our marital problems were due to my wife’s tenseness. I figured that if I learned to become a hypnotist I could hypnotize my wife in order to help her to relax; resulting in our marriage being saved.

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THE KEYHOLES WE GIVE THEM

They See Us “Naked” and Get Rich

 

Welcome to the other electronic world. This is what it’s all about, seeing us “naked”. Don’t be shocked. Most of us know it but don’t think of it that way. Naked? Yup! It’s true. They strip us of our privacy and get rich. Don’t take my word for it. See for yourselves.

 The old fashioned way of spying. 

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AGING TRAPS

(PART 1) 

Time is unstoppable!


Let’s Talk About You

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HE WROTE IT & SHE SANG IT

GOD BLESS AMERICA

(It became America’s prayerful song)

 

The singer was Kate Smith.

The composer was Irving Berlin.

 The American People embraced it.

 

Kate Smith had been a heavy-set, five foot eight singer of no great fame when she was first chosen to introduce God Bless America. She sang it on her radio show on Armistice Day (now Veterans Day), 1938 and America fell in love with God Bless America and Kate Smith.  


CLICK HERE

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ADELAIDE’S CHRISTMAS CAROL 

 

The mountain top village was, for the past two years, empty of people or so it seemed. The wind blew in powerful gusts driving the snow through the broken windows and doors that swung with the wind in the wrecks of what were once shanties more than they were houses. When the small coalmine closed the miners and their families went away forever... 


click here 


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TIS THE SEASON! 

Back by popular demand:

THE HAUNTED TREE HOUSE

--where--

“These Dead Don’t Die!”


Click here

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THE MEMORY FILE: Part 3 

Terror Of Childhood Memories

And Their Later Consequences

 

DEALING WITH YOUR “ BAD” MEMORIES 

They Can Affect Your Adult Life—For Good Or For Bad

  

Many adults say, “When I was a kid my life was really bad. I mean really bad.” That lament could have come from tens of thousands of adults, male and female. Perhaps you are one of them. Of course really bad can mean many things. Being constantly screamed at by parents can be as bad being constantly beaten by parents. The effects upon the child can be the same; he or she grows up angry, doing to their children what their parents did to them. It can be an unending cycle unless the problem is recognized and dealt with.          

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THE MEMORY FILE: Part 2

Thinking & Remembering: You Can’t Have One Without The Other


Cluttered Thinking Leads To Forgetting 

It’s OK To Forget (Once In A while)

 

Everybody forgets at one time or another. That’s normal but not excusable for a family member’s birthday or anniversary.  For those of us 65 years of age and older the worry is Alzheimer’s disease. The odds of not getting it are in our favor. The reason for forgetting, for most us, of all ages, is cluttered thinking resulting in the lack of focus resulting in memory problems. The colloquial expression is scatter brained. I call it DISTRACTED FOCUS

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REMEMBERING CAN BE EASY

IF YOU KNOW HOW

THE MEMORY FILE: Part 1

 

When We Forget

We all forget...a name (of someone we once knew or still know), a birthday date, a name of a familiar town or street, the phone number of a relative or close a friend, a favorite expression, the lyrics to a special song and the list goes on and on.


Forgetting happens to all of us. When we try to remember and almost can but just can’t, there is a familiar expression: “It’s on the tip of my tongue.” The purpose of this series is to show you how to move that memory or memories from the tip of your tongue to your ability to remember now.

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      MICKEY COULD HAVE WON 

      He would really make America Great Again 


  

Mickey Mouse Would Have Defeated Donald Trump Big Time

 

If Mickey Mouse had entered the presidential race he would have been sitting in the White House now. What makes you so sure you might ask? Just compare the two

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THE REPLACEMENT

(A short play) 

8/86

Written & Produced by

Bob Flicker

"ROBOT WORKERS" was the lead story pictured on the cover of TIME Magazine for the week of September 9, 2013. The story talks about robots replacing workers. One of those robots is listed as a welding robot. Now, almost four years later (2017), the trend is to use more robots in almost every manufacturing and service industry.

 

I wrote about welding robots replacing HANK SPUTOWSKI in three different assembly line jobs in my play THE REPLACEMENT, 30 years ago. In real life, there are few surprise endings to the TIME MAGAZINE story;  there is one, in my play, THE REPLACEMENT. 

Take a look:

click here

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WE ARE AT WAR, PRESIDENT TRUMP 

WE ARE AT WAR WITH THOSE FORCES THAT CAUSE UNEMPLOYMENT

 

The enemy is not exactly who you say it is, Mr. President. TRADE? It’s true that many manufacturing jobs have gone to low wage countries such as China, Bangladesh and Mexico. 


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TRUMP SNOT RATIONAL

TRUMP SNOT TO BE TRUSTED

TRUMP SNOT ______ 

(You fill in the blank space.)


 

A Guide To Understanding The President’s Misunderstanding Of Our Democracy

 

That doesn’t mean he may or may not be mentally and emotionally balanced. Trump’s rationality and no-nothing vanity, it appears, are bound together. In his case rationality and no-nothing vanity are zero sum issues. As his puffery rises his rationality appears to sink. As of this writing his no-nothing vanity is on a rapid rise and America’s people and allies grow fearful of what lies ahead.

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BACKSTAGE WITH ELEPHANTS, LIONS & TIGERS & CLOWNS 

Special Memories From Years Gone By

 

We were backstage, my two young sons and myself, at the...

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus...

 

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Save the American language (Americanese)

 

A LAMENT FOR THOSE FADING, GREAT AMERICAN WORDS

 

HERE ARE JUST A FEW OF THOSE WORDS:

 

The word of honor: SNAFU

  

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LISTENING IN #1

November 2016


     “What in hell are you hooraying about?”

     “Do I know you?”

     “Nope.”

     “How come you butted into my hooray?

     “Hooray is public property.”

     “Not my hooray! It’s private and none of your beeswax...”

The conversation continues! 

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BACK! By popular demand:

THE HAUNTED TREE HOUSE

--where--

“These Dead Don’t Die!”

Screen Shot 2015-02-28 at 3.39.32 PM


Click here

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My Father’s Flying Secret Revealed

PROHIBITION... 1924! 

BULLETS . BOOZE . and a *BOMBER


* Handley-page aeroplane, British WWI bomber. 

Delivering Smoot’s Smack 150 Proof by Air Until—


     Smoot Smeddly changed the life of a seventeen-year-old farm boy who would, in four years, become my father. (Click on...My Father Out of Poverty)

     Smoot Smeddly bought the run-down farm next to the (not-much-better farm) on which my father and his three, younger brothers lived with their mother and father in Manalapan, New Jersey. The year, when it all began, as my father recalled, was 1919. World War I ended a year earlier.

     “How old were you then?” I asked.

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MY FATHER ... OUT OF POVERTY

    A Success Story Worth Telling

 

Disaster was in the air when at the age of twenty my father, a farmer, married my nineteen-year-old mother in February 1928. The Great Depression was about to decimate America beginning in October 1929, exactly one year (to the month) after I was born.

“In the beginning”...their beginning (and mine) the promises of the good life were only wishful thinking. I can still remember my mother saying (often), when I was 5 or 6 years of age, “When our ship comes in...” (translation: when our life gets better...).  I don’t know if that expression is still used today. I suppose living near the ocean was the reason for it. Living near the ocean did, for some time, account for our family’s modest income.


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THE OTHER MOTHER GOOSE

Would You Read These Rhymes To Your Kids?

(Look to the end for a special ending not for kids.) 

  click here

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ROBOTS vs JOBS TO WORRY ABOUT

Today...Your Job! - Tomorrow...No Job?

 

 JOBS SOLUTIONS...SEE BELOW

BACK TO THE MIDDLE CLASS

 There are few jobs that robots can’t do now or will soon be able to do from working behind the counter at McDonald’s to driving a truck to advanced technology. The technology is there. It’s just a matter of costs. It is still cheaper to have people serving hamburgers and french-fries than to put robots behind the counter but the day is coming when that will not be the case. 


THAT DAY HAS ARRIVED! 

 click here

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POISONED DRINKING WATER IN THE U.S.A.

(PART #2)

IT’S WORSE THAN YOU THINK!

 It Could Very Well Be Affecting You and Your Family! 

(Click: Lead In Your Water by Bob Flicker)


You can add radioactive chemicals leeching into your wells and other water supplies such as streams and rivers.  The only thing that is in short supply is TRUTH & HONESTY! Who can you trust? Unfortunately, trust is in short supply. Consider that public water supplies in 42 states are admitted to be contaminated by the Environmental Works Group. What about the other eight states? What about your water supply?

click here

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WORKERS WIPED OUT (FOREVER?) 

UNEMPLOYED AND NO JOBS

 

NO JOB—NO MONEY—NO DIGNITY

 

There Are Politicians That Call These Men And Women Lazy


Tell that to the coal miners who are being laid off by the thousands. Tell that to the multitude of steel workers who watch their jobs disappear. Tell that to the men and women who see their factories move to low-wage countries.

click here

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Bob Flicker Presents:

 WHAT’S NEXT?

(After Lead In Your Water)

 ARSENIC IN BABY FOOD!

Taken In Part From... 

THE NEW YORK TIMES

SATURDAY, APRIL 2, 2016

 

“F.D.A. 0ffers Arsenic Limit In Rice Cereal For Babies"

By Catherine Saint Louis

 

The Food and Drug Administration proposed on Friday a limit for inorganic arsenic in infant rice cereal, saying that this common food starter is a leading source of exposure to the toxin.”

 

 

How is that for protection for babies being fed rice cereal? All you have to do is trust the Food and Drug Administration and the companies that produce baby foods. What aren’t you being told about toxic contaminates in –not only baby foods—but also many other foods you consume beyond babyhood?

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LEAD IN YOUR WATER

and

OTHER DEADLY CHEMICALS...

Poisoning You and Your Kids


Is there lead in your drinking water...


and/or other deadly chemicals?


When elected and appointed government officials, at all levels, know but do nothing.

They  know but they don’t admit it till the damage is done and exposed.

They Lie and Should Be Prosecuted!

It’s more than a lie. It’s a criminal lie!


 click here

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THOSE EXPENSIVE TV PITCHED DRUGS

&

THEIR HARMFUL SIDE EFFECTS

        

                           Look into the center and count to ten for a harmless side effect.

Unfortunately, the many side effects from most direct-to-consumer pharmaceuticals advertised on TV are not harmless. In some cases they could be deadly. 

IT’S CALLED:

Direct-to-Consumer Pharmaceutical Advertising (DTCPA)


WARNING

DON’T BE YOUR OWN DOCTOR!


click here

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MARCH 2016


To: Moe Friedman (An Open Letter)

Re: Your Imprisonment In A Nazi Concentration Camp

 

My dear Moe,

 

It has been more than sixty-five years since we last had coffee together. We were friends then. Somehow we drifted apart, never to connect again. Even at this late date I’m not sure why. I may be too late in my attempt to contact you now but I decided to try. I figure you must be 91 or 92 years of age, not too old to still be alive and, hopefully, reasonably well.

click here

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DEALING WITH THE UNEXPECTED


 

You are a reasonably healthy female or male of any age and are easily distracted by almost anything other than what you are currently doing. Take driving as an example. You have been warned many times not to make conversational eye contact with your passenger(s) while you are driving. Of course, you know better. The accident wasn’t your fault. Besides, no one was hurt. Of course, if you drive off of a cliff—

click here 

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REMEMBERED

 

ROSA

  

My imaginary Rosa

There is a cemetery in Freehold, New Jersey (USA) that has one section set aside for the Sam Lopatin family. The headstones are small and simple. One, in particular, is unique. The name etched upon it is ROSA. Rosa is not interred beneath that headstone (no one is).

 

She died of double pneumonia and was buried in the Belarus city of Brest-Litovsk (Russia) in October 1919 at the age of sixteen years almost 100 year ago. She never managed to come to the home of her dreams, the United States. Who cares? I do! Why? Click here on A WRITER’S GHOSTS (IDA) and click here to read about Rosa and you might just care a little too. 

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 A CHILD IN THE WELL 

RESCUE

 

 

 A child falls into a deep, dry well and lands injured but alive at the bottom. TV news and newspapers pickup the story of the attempted rescue drawing tens of thousands of people to follow every moment of the rescue. There is danger of the well collapsing and burying the child if the rescuers are not careful. TV camera crews follow every move of the rescuers throughout the day and night. Americans from coast to coast follow every move, donating money and equipment for the rescue of a child they do not know.


We Americans are a compassionate people particularly if it’s just one child to be rescued. Of late, we haven’t been too good when it comes saving ten thousand children or even 1000 children if they are refugees trying to enter our country or are already living here. 

click here

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ADELAIDE’S CHRISTMAS CAROL

 

The mountain top village was, for almost two years, empty of people or so it seemed. The wind blew in powerful gusts driving the snow through the broken windows and doors that swung with the wind in the wrecks of what were once shanties more than they were houses. When the small coal mine closed the miners and their families went away forever.

click here

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My Ghost Arrived In A Taxi

(A True Story)

 

If you don’t believe in ghosts—well, too bad. They do exist you know. Let me tell you about my ghost arriving in broad daylight in a taxi. Ghosts don’t generally make their presence known in that manner. I was standing at the hospital’s entrance waiting for a taxicab when one pulled up to the curb in front of me. I didn’t recognize him, for what he was at first, when I looked through the passenger window and saw a small, bent old man...

click here

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MY AUNT NORA

Her Near-Death Experience As Described To Me

 

(A Depiction)

 Finding herself happily floating to the light and music.

 

She was a simple woman who never heard the term, near-death experience when she described, what turned out to be, her own near-death experience to me.


I will describe her experience as she told it to me and you can make what you will from it.

click here

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A FIFTH MEMORIAL CANDLE

for

MY BROTHER TED

(That was a hard thing for me to do.)

 

 [In memory of Margery’s mother and father and my mother and father]

4 

AND NOW...

 

 A Fifth Memorial Candle


TED

THE MIDDLE BROTHER

 

For 84 years he was my younger brother. Most every Sunday we would talk over the telephone or (when possible) face to face. Our conversations were long lasting and covered everything from family to world politics. And now, after 84 years Ted and I no longer have our Sunday (and other occasions) talks and visits. He is no longer the living, middle brother. Now—the most difficult part for me is replacing our Sunday phone calls and visits with a fifth memorial candle.

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By special request:

THE HAUNTED TREE HOUSE

--where--

“These Dead Don’t Die!”

Screen Shot 2015-02-28 at 3.39.32 PM


Click here


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MY CANCER DISCOVERY! 

Not to me! Not at this stage of my life! Face it! It’s happened TO YOU!

 

FINALLY DEALING WITH IT

and 

GETTING LUCKY

 

MY ADMISSION OF STUPIDITY 

This Is A Message For You!

click here

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FINDING IMMORTALITY...

Through My Children


All My Children and I

Josh, Lee, Barry, Dad, Jon and Lauren

I will be 87 in October; that means, in my terms, I am approaching old age. There is not very much time left for my youngest grand and great grandchildren to know me and I them. A gift! Each and every one of them has given me a miraculous gift. Immortality. My life continues on through them. Perhaps it is not the immortality in the biblical sense but immortality in another sense and to me most comforting.

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TRUTH or CONSEQUENCES


There was the radio version (1940-1957)

There was the television version (1950-1988) 

And now--

There is the 2015 political version (Game Show Host: Donald Trump)

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click here

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WHO BURIES THE UNDERTAKER?


About the following unfinished story...

In its present form WHO BURIES THE UNDERTAKER? is absurd and rightly belongs under the heading of ABSURDLY YOURS. Where is it going? As of this writing I have no idea, if indeed it is going anywhere at all. The thing is, I am both intrigued and challenged by it. If absurdity is not your thing, read no further especially after reading (and listening to) all the absurd political news and claims we are exposed to each and every day.

***

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I GRABBED HIM AND SHOUTED, “YOU’RE UNDER ARREST!”

And I (Bobby Joe) Wasn’t Even a Cop

  

Bobby Joe (my alter ego). The Suppressed, Violent Shadow In My Life

“Bobby Joe” Another form of my given names, Robert Joseph

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WINTER AT THE AMERICAN MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY

 Snagging A Rainbow

   Perhaps my grandson, Jai, had the right idea when he reached for a rainbow with Barry and Lauren bearing witness. He appears to have caught it. Could it be that the storied pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is really wisdom? It’s possible. Jai has become very intelligent with lots of smarts.

(Note the second rainbow. It could be yours.)

click here

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“THE COAST IS CLEAR, COME ON AHEAD!”

 

A JOKE BETWEEN TWO BROTHERS ENDING WHEN THERE WAS JUST ONE

Bob & Ted

I believe it began just before my brother Ted’s 70th birthday and ended with his 84th birthday

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Bob Flicker Presents

 

A Series Of Very, Very Short Stories

DEALING WITH # 1... 

EMOTIONS

  

(Too Busy To Read? Not Any More. Now Read An Entire Story Over A Cup Of Coffee.)

 

Today’s Emotion: GREED

click here

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A TOAST TO LIFE!

YOUR LIFE 

 

         There is a painless, easy way to a longer life for a good many of you. All you have to do is reach out and take it. It’s that simple. So, what’s the big secret? The answer is that simple. There is no big secret. There are a few minor problems and one very major problem though. There are no free rides.


click here

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THE TIME OF THEIR LIFE

and

DEATH

Does fate determine who will live and who will die?

When, Why, or How?

#1


Death Watch

        

         The young lawyer had no way of knowing that forgetting his watch, he left on his desk, and going back for it would cost him his life. How could that be?

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ATTENTION PLEASE!

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R U

An

ASSUMER-CONSUMER? 

If you are—you are getting... 

 

         Just in case you are unfamiliar with the term...                          Assumer-Consumer means that you believe all those outrageous sales claims being made to you. You buy into them and end up getting screwed

Click here

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press here!


WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! 

HAVE A NICE DAY!

Its Sinister Meaning 

The Hidden Message Celebrating The Devil

         Now, at last, it must be revealed regardless of my personal risk! Look at the first letter of each word in Have A Nice Day:   H-A-N-D.  Those initials actually stand for: Hail Almighty Noble Devil. In other words:  Devil Worship!

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Beauty and the Beast

and

I

It was opening night for Beauty and the Beast on Broadway and my wife and I were fortunate and delighted to have been invited to be part of the opening night audience on the evening of April 18, 1994. That was a little more than 21 years ago. Something happened to me that evening while I was part of the “celebrity line” entering the Palace Theatre that has stayed with me these past 21 years.

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“I’VE GOT A GUN IN MY POCKET!

GIMME YOUR WALLET!”


Was I about to be shot, possibly murdered, by some crazy on a busy street in the middle of the afternoon? I felt it could really happen.

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MAX 

HE LIVED! MOST DIED!

     . He was 45 years old when arrested by Hitler’s Gestapo in Vienna 1942

     . Was rescued by allied forces in 1945

     . Came to the New York City (about) 1948

     . Employed as a messenger in my father’s company 1950

     . Returned to Vienna in 1952 where he died alone (No one was left)

 

click here

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D’WARFS

and

Little D’Piddle

 

         There has been some questions about D’Warfs and Little D’Piddle. Please note D’Warfs are not dwarfs! D’Warfs can easily be recognized by their height. They are exactly one foot (12 inches tall). See chart below.                             

Screen Shot 2015-04-30 at 8.06.09 PM

The stories of Little D’Piddle ( D’Warf) will continue shortly. In the mean

time (if you haven’t already) click on...   

 

Little D’Piddle

And His

       WORD and STORY STORE

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THEY WERE ALL MURDERED

 

Members of My Family

and 

There Is No One Left To Remember Them Except For Myself

but 

My Memory Is That Of A Five Year Old Child

1933

               Why Now? Why me? Is it their ghosts? My ghosts?


         I was not quite five years old when I met them for the first and last time. There was the mother and her two young children (older than myself). They are all images, snap shots without names or identities. All I am left with are just one blurred image of them sitting on the front porch steps of my grandparents’ home on Sherriff Street in Freehold, New Jersey.

IMG 4169

My father and mother, myself and my brother Ted sitting on those same front porch steps. 

About 1931.


click here

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 Little D’Piddle

And His

WORD and STORY STORE

 

         The sign over Little D’Piddle’s store read: 

WORD and  STORY STORE

        His was no ordinary store, just as his customers were not ordinary customers. I will explain in just a moment. First, I would like to tell you a little about Little D’Piddle. He was a D’Warf of the first order. That meant two things: First, he was exactly one foot tall, not one inch taller or shorter, the exact height for a D’Warf. Second, being of the first order meant that he had a story-telling license proving he had very special story telling talents.

IMG 4140

click here

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ICE CREAM JOE – CRAWFORD’S – HECKMAN’S

When a penny meant something – with a nickel you ruled the world

Sorry, the white wagon got a little dirty. 

         I started kindergarten in January 1934 at the Hudson Street School and there he was, Ice Cream Joe. He was waiting in his horse-drawn, white enclosed wagon for his grammar school customers to head home for lunch. 

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ROBO CALL WHO?

and

Bob Flicker’s Revenge


            Are you a robo call target? 

            Do you rush to answer your phone only to receive an intrusive recorded message like CONGRATULATIONS! Now, I have never waited to hear why I was being congratulated but I suspect somebody out there would like to congratulate me out of my money...

click here

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MY GIFT TO MY FAMILY FOR THE AGES

It Began With My Bedtime Stories & Songs For My Children

 

My gift To My Children

led to

Their Gift To Their Children

led to

Their Children’s Gift To Their Children 

may lead to

Their Children’s Gift To Their Children?

(time will tell)


click here

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THE SCREWED-UP FAIRY

              Zelpa screwed up again. It was one day before the end of the month and she had five wishes left over. She was the only fairy from her section to have wishes left over at the end of any month. She had just 24 hours to grant these five wishes to wish-worthy people or end up with a lowly desk job at the Fairy Wish Dispensary, dispensing wishes to field-fairies like herself….

click here 

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MY WAR WITH PORCUPINES IS OVER

         My war with porcupines began on a moonlit, summer night about  40 years ago. There was a full moon, lighting up our mountain, vacation home and the surrounding meadow. We heard it before we saw it, waking my wife and me from our sleep near midnight.

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THE GARBAGE CAN FAIRY 

       Once upon a time ... in a broken-down house, where nothing worked   -- not even the father whom we will come to know further along in this story -- not the electricity, not the gas, not the running water, not even the cockroaches, there lived a family by the name of Hopeful. There was Father (unemployed) Hopeful, Mother (with child which meant that part of Father Hopeful still worked) and their eight Hopeful children (too numerous to name here) 

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THE KENTUCKY DERBY and I


       I was finishing my freshman year at the University of Louisville. Saturday, May 3, 1947 was the day of the Kentucky Derby and we all got jobs at Churchill Downs for that stupendous event, considered by the locals to be bigger than New Years Eve and the Mardi Gras combined. 

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Don’t Mess With Small Town Justice 

WHEN CERTAIN CITY PEOPLE

DISSED SMALL TOWN JUSTICE

 The following is a true story:

          It happened sixty-nine years ago, the summer of 1946, in the small New Jersey town of Freehold, my hometown. Now Freehold was no ordinary small town. As a matter-of-fact it happened to be a very special small town. (See: rug mill) For one thing, it was and is the county seat of historic Monmouth County. Back then; the county courthouse was on Main Street. How many towns of 7,000 people could boast of having a courthouse and a horseracing track? Not many, I can assure you. And—this was not just any ordinary horseracing track. It was a racetrack for trotters and pacers, together with pari-mutuel betting. It was at the Freehold Raceway that my story begins. 

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GHOST OF MAX FLICKER and ME

That Cold, Uncaring Grandfather Condemned To The Shadows

 

         He was on his deathbed, lying motionless, a silent blanket-covered mound in the shadows. The room was semi-dark and I was alone with a grandfather I did not know in that gloom-filled dying space. I was a ten year old, alone with that man, a grandfather in name only, for whom I had no feelings and for whom my memory bank was empty.

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KNOW THE WHY AND HOW OF YOUR PAIN!

     .KNOW WHY you are having pain (This is important)

      .KNOW HOW you can reduce or eliminate that pain (Your choice)

Reduce or Eliminate Your Pain

by

VISITING YOUR X RATED FANTASY WORLD 

(Assuming you have one)

CLICK HERE!

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LEARNING PAIN CONTROL!

(IT’S NOT FOR EVERYBODY!) 

“LOW VOLTAGE” PHYSICAL PAIN

 MADE BEARABLE

THROUGH IMAGINATIVE-OUTRAGEOUS PAIN RELIEF”

--It works for me, could it work for you?--

CLICK HERE!

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GHOSTS OF THE FREEHOLD LOPATINS


 Russia (about) 1898

My grandmother Fanny Lopatin

My grandfather (Lieutenant) Max Lopatin, Russian Army.

My grandparents’ first born, my Aunt Rose


I am the last one left of that era to tell their story.

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THE TWO KILLER TRAINS

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        His name was Nathan Lopatin! He was my grandfather's youngest brother and the great uncle I was never to meet. He had been spirited out of Russia by family and friends, in 1903, when it was discovered by the local, Russian authorities that he and others were training in secret with rifles to protect their families and neighbors against raiding cossacks. Being caught meant certain imprisonment or possible death.  

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FINAL ARRANGEMENTS

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       FINAL ARRANGEMENTS is about two people who find themselves with a dilemma. They have their fabulous, rent controlled apartment but—they have decided they can no longer live together. Who gets the apartment?


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GHOSTS IN MY BOOKSHELVES

        They were there all of the time. I put them there and forgot about them after I was seduced digitally. I pass by them everyday but who can see ghosts when one stops believing or caring?

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THE STRAWBERRY JAM DAM

A SUPER-YOU EPISODE

Could you imagine

   how it would be

if you (Shout Your Name)

   were on TV?

 

There would be lights, camera, action

   and away you would go!

and you (Shout Your Name)

   would be star of the show!

                                       

There would be many adventures

   and you would always come through

because of the fact…

   you would be…SUPER-YOU!

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Absurdity ceases to seem absurd when it manages to make sense to those that view, read and/or hear it.

However, it still remains...

 

ABSURDLY YOURS


ABSURDITY NUMBER 172

 

NON VOTERS & COMPLAINERS

 

Stinky (Stingly) Stenchvasser was mayor of Pizztown for the past ten years. His three elections were always by default because no one else wanted the job. However, he always considered his election to be unanimous; one to nothing; his one everybody else nothing. No one in Pizztown ever voted for anything or anyone. As Lizzy Wonknuttle wrote in her letter to The Daily Flash, Pizztown’s monthly newspaper, “I would have voted for Stinky Stenchvasser, not only because there was nobody else to vote for but because he got Pizztown on Fox News once. For what—I don’t exactly remember. It was something about our town’s name.”

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MY MOM

 

I Would Never Tell Her She Threw Away $3,200,000

(Even If I Could)

 

I suppose it would be best to start at the beginning, especially in this case. It began sometimes in 1938. I was ten years old and my brother Teddy was a year and a half younger.  Saturday afternoons starting at around 1:30 our ritual would begin.

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WHEN I WAS A HYPNOTIST

and

My First Miscalculation

I decided to become a hypnotist in an attempt to save my first marriage. I gave it up to save my second marriage. If that doesn’t make sense, I will explain.

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A POT-BELLIED PIG'S CHRISTMAS

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 The pot-bellied pig was resting on a park bench when Rooki walked by with his sleeping bag. “Merry Christmas.”

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 © robert 2014